TABLOID HELL – FEBRUARY 2

Whos says the tabloids are full of nonsense? Not NME.COM, that's for sure...

ELVIS has been spotted. The burger-loving king of rock’n’roll has not been working down the chip shop since his 1977 ‘disappearance’, rather he has moved to the moon.

According to this morning’s Daily Star, Norman Crossland from Wigan in Lancashire spotted an uncanny likeness to the King while gazing skywards during the recent lunar eclipse. So taken was Norm, that he captured the image for posterity. If you squint, hold the picture four feet from you face and jiggle it a little, you can just make out the silhouette of a blob with a bit of a nose and questionable quiff. Obviously Elvis then.

The Star also reports on the return of one of the all-time greats. Curtis ‘I Wonder Why’ Stigers, “who once supported Fleetwood Mac at Wembley”, is to play the Bein Inn in the village of Glenfarg, Perthshire next Tuesday (February 6). Capacity of the Bein Inn – 50. Says Curtis, “I wanted to keep stretching the boundaries of the music I was making. Playing music has always been my passion.” He will take a “pay cut to play the venue”. He will also get a traditional cooked breakfast. Honestly.

, who apparently paid #100 to join a dating agency.

The Mirror’s ever vigilant 3am Girls this morning carry a couple of pictures of former child star Macaulay Culkin. In one he is smoking a cigarette. Wearing a leather jacket.

The Sun, thankfully, deals with much more interesting affairs.

Seems AJ of The Backstreet Boys has a novel way of whiling away the hours whilst session musicians are busy on the band’s tracks in the studio. The multi-million selling teen-girl pin-up has a “hoard of 2,000 porno DVDs from around the world”. And bless him, one of his “favourite pastimes is listing them in order of preference”. This is quite a revelation. NME.COM was unaware such material was available on DVD. Just think of the angles….

Also in The Sun is the news that the Spice Girls are in shock over the failure of their album ‘Forever’. “The girls thought it would do really well in America,” said actor/musician Max Beesley, current squeeze of Mel B. “The girls were right to change their sound and go for a more R&B feel on ‘Forever'”, he adds.

However, Max does have a rather strange opinion of the comeuppance the girls might have faced had they not changed their sound. “They would have been slaughtered if they had just stayed doing poppy stuff.”

Finally, keeping with the slaughter theme, every paper this morning from The Sun to the Express, carries a picture story of Jake the Peg, the five-legged lamb. Obviously nothing to do with music, but how often do you see a five-legged sheep?