TABLOID HELL – JANUARY 29

Jeez, it's filthy today...

It’s the beginning of the week, and the pop stars, like most of the UK population, have that Monday morning feeling.

According to The Mirror, Martine McCutcheon (who released a single last week) made an “astonishing foul-mouthed rant” when out with ex-boyfriend Johnathan Barnham recently. In front of “dozens” of people at the Red Cube in London, she told her former beau to “piss off”, before dubbing him a “wanker”. Suppose that’s why they split then…

This kind of behaviour seems contagious. According to The Sun, Boyzone’s Shane Lynch has been banned from the Irish Childline because of his foul mouth. When approached by the tabloid press, the star did a “one-fingered salute”, before sneering: “Tabloid newspapers, you can kiss my fucking arse.”

Even Texas’ Sharleen Spiteri is feeling gobby. Annoyed that her band have not been nominated at this year’s Brit Awards, she said: “The Brits people haven’t been great to us. We’ve been going for 15 years and we haven’t won one award. We’ve got a current Number One album and our last album was a best seller. The public vote for us each time. The Brits are voted for largely by record companies and it’s just politics.”

It seems like spring has come early from Huey from the Fun Lovin’ Criminals. Speaking to Maxim, the randy charmer said of the Spice Girls: “Man, those bitches are scary! What happened to Baby Spice? She looks like a porn actress. There’s a barrier with famous chicks like Baby Spice. Guys say, ‘Yo, I’d like to fuck her’, but there’s always that mystery because those women might not be good fucks.” Huey is also in The Sun, sporting a black eye following a night clubbing in London. Nobody knows exactly what happened, but an eyewitness said: “Nobody saw who delivered the punch – but it was somebody with a good right hook”. Baby Spice better have a good alibi…

are “lovely”. He said: “Which one would I prefer? They look the same to me. I’d like all of them…at the same time, they are very lovely ladies”.

The latest on the Puff Daddy and Jennifer Lopez split is that he wants her back. Only days after their split, The Sun reports he is attempting to “woo” her with 100 white doves.

What she would do with such a gift is unclear, but Combs apparently phoned Lopez at a hotel in LA, and told her to stand on the balcony. As if by magic, the doves flew past, followed by the same number of pink balloons. Puff Daddy is now available for weddings and children’s parties for a reasonable fee…

Back to serious news, and The Star devote a “picture special” to “troubled” Robbie Williams’ attendance at alcoholics anonymous meetings in LA – this time accompanied for moral support by the publicity-shy Geri Halliwell.

A “pal” told the paper that Geri “tones down his outrageous side”. He said: “Geri’s good for him because she doesn’t drink and take drugs. Her only vice is smoking. Robbie also brings out Geri’s mothering instincts. She cares for him a great deal and hates to see him unhappy and troubled.” Relationships have been built on less…