TABLOID HELL – APRIL 9

Plus, Robbie's cheeky offer to random Geri-alike, Mel C continues to morph into the Antigeri and Mick Jagger goes dirty dancing, in an unusual story that has nothing to do with Geri...

Bendy‘s cutting back.

The incredible shrinking woman of pop, who last week complained bitterly and inaccurately about being homeless, has moved from one luxury London hotel – a temporary base after the break-in at her Notting Hill flat – to another.

According to the Daily Star today (April 9), Geri Halliwell, who also doubles as a ‘guardian angel’ for Robbie Williams, is about to save £65 a day moving from the Lanesborough to the £245-a-night Franklin. With the money saved, she could buy some food and maybe even a nice frock.

Meanwhile, Ginger will be pleased to learn that Robbie thinks about her all the time. The Daily Star reports exclusively (it is a slow, slow morning) that while recording a performance of his new single for future broadcast on popular Saturday morning music show ‘CD:UK’, mad Robbie (he’s a joker, you see) spied a woman in the crowd who was a “Ginger Spice lookalike”. Robbie “just turned to her and asked, ‘What are you doing afterwards? Do you fancy coming back to mine for a shag?'” The woman declined. It is unclear just exactly how this woman looked. The Star casually reveals she was an “older” Bendy-alike.

While she manages to make the papers for the 130,287th consecutive day, it is another of Ginger‘s former Spice colleagues whose picture receives the biggest splash. A photo of Chunky Spice Mel C, taken onstage at a weekend show in LA, shows that she certainly has not been avoiding the fish suppers. With extra fries. And extra fish.

The Sun today reports that top rocking grandfather Mick Jagger is getting jiggy with supermodel Sophie Dahl. Seems the duo dirty danced “in front of of hundreds of stunned clubbers at New York’s trendy Lotus Club” at the weekend. Other press reports today claim Sophie has been professing her love for the fertile, wrinkly Lothario at every turn. Sophie is renowned for being big and unabashed about her curves. Mick is a little neater around the hips. Tabloid Hell is concerned about the mechanics and angles of any union.

The Mirror’s ever-vigilant 3am Girls, meanwhile, reveal that tennis ace Greg Rusedski bought a takeaway pizza. At a pizzeria. And that’s not all. They also detail how comedian and television personality Vic Reeves was spotted, and Tabloid Hell quotes, “in Peckham High Street eating a sandwich”.

Elsewhere in The Mirror, Uri Geller, top bender and chum of Michael Jackson, appears. “Being with my waggy friends fills me with vitality and high spirits,” he says in his weekly column. He writes at length about telepathic bonds between pets and their owners. A pet dog once led him to safety when lost in caves in Cyprus. Like Lassie, it had sensed danger for its owner and appeared after being willed there by the power of Uri’s thoughts. Uri has many bent spoons attached to the bonnet of his car.

Finally, keen angler Terry Glebioska has landed the biggest carp ever caught in Britain. Terry caught the the 59lb 12oz fish in Conningbrook Lake, Kent. Terry is delighted – he’s fishing mad, you see. “I’m fishing mad,” he tells The Sun. “It even ended my marriage plans as my partner had had enough of it.” Ken was studying a picture of semi-naked Page 3 stunna Kerry McCormack when his he landed the carp.