WE HAVE WAYS OF MAKING GOMEZ TALK

The truth behind which songs were written while stoned and the fact that they sound like Chris Rea...

The third and final part of your grilling of Gomez.

What percentage of your songs have been written while stoned? (Dave H, via e-mail)

Tom: “None of them.”

Ian: “Liar!”

Ben: “It’s just a cunning marketing ploy. We don’t actually do drugs.”

What is your favourite wine? (Allison, Bournemouth)

Ian: “Chianti is pretty damn good. But I think it would have to be Ramada. The best wine in the world. It’s a serious headfuck. Lethal. We used to drink so much of that stuff. We once recorded a track and Olly fell off his drum stool because he drank too much Ramada. One minute he was playing and the next he was just lying there with his legs in the air.”

Olly: “Funnily enough, I don’t actually remember that.”

Tom: “I can actually tell you what the best wine in the world is, but I can’t remember its name. You can buy it from Tesco, and it has a leopard on the label.”

Paul: “All wine is good wine.”

Who should Oasis get in to replace Bonehead and Guigsy? (Sam Sullivan, Manchester)

Tom: “Aswad. They’ve only got two members now (Three actually – Fact Ed), and Aswad are only two, so they should join forces.”

Ian: “That would be perfect. Then they could be a really kicking reggae band.”

Do you think dope should be legalised? And would you campaign for it? (Matt Kipling, Southampton)

All: “Yes!”

Ian: “Only we probably wouldn’t campaign for it.”

Tom: “Too stoned.”

What drugs have you experimented with? (Fiona Martin, Penzance)

Ben: “None.”

Paul: “Liquid Skin.”

Ian: “Cigarettes.”

Ben: “A Brazilian millipede, crushed and dried, smoked through a tiger’s paw. The best buzz going.”

Can you each name the last record you bought? (Johnny Moffat, Leeds)

Ben: “‘Dos’ by the Latin Playboys.”

Ian: “I got G Love’s latest one. Pretty cool record.”

Tom: “I think the last one I got was the new Los Lobos album, which I promptly lost.”

Paul: “I haven’t bought a record in a long time. I think the last one was ‘The Best Of Henry Mancini’.”

Olly: “I think it was Devo. I bought it by accident.”

When was the last time any of you had a fight? (Lily Simmons, Gloucester)

Ian: “When I was about 12 years old.”

Tom: “I think all the rest of the fights we’ve ever been in have just been people beating us up. I had the shit kicked out of me just before last Christmas. By three guys.”

Ben: “We don’t fight. We’re lovers.”

Tom: “We fight with food, sometimes. And chairs.”

What makes you different from the rest of the music biz? (Liam Devlin, London)

Tom: “We’re not really bothered about the glamour side of things. This is a bullshit-driven industry; that gets very tiresome. But I think we’re more musically open-minded than most. We’re not very linear. I think most other bands are a lot more linear.”

Ben: “We’re not interested in world domination. We’re not megalomaniacal.”

What was communal living like? (Owen O’Toole, Swansea)

Tom: “Well, Ben was a messy bugger.”

Ben: “Me? That’s a blatant lie!”

Ian: “I think – messy room, healthy mind.”

Tom: “Ben, remember that time we left you alone in the house for a weekend, and you said you were going to clear it up and instead you totalled the place?”

Ben: “I didn’t total the place. I made a meal.”

Tom: “We’re not very tidy. Except Paul. He’s meticulous.”

One of my friends refuses to like you on the basis you sound like Chris Rea. Discuss. (Peter Watts, Brighton)

Ben: “That’s mean!”

Ian: “Well, it is a fair point. He has been a major influence.”

Ben: “What kind of drugs is this guy on, and may I have some, please? If they make us sound like Chris Rea, imagine what they make Chris Rea sound like?”

Tom: “I accept the fact that he doesn’t like Chris Rea. That’s perfectly reasonable, if he doesn’t like us on that basis. If he liked us because we sound like Chris Rea, I’d be more worried.”

The questions are finished. The band stub out their last cigarettes. Ben stands up and begins to play air guitar to the sound of silence. And that, pretty much, is that.

Part 1

Part 2

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