Plus - TV watchdogs express their horror at Kym's role in EastEnders, Five star threatens to be invisible again and Liam and Noel buy their girlfriends a drink...

Kym is branching into television.

According to The Sun (September 28), Kym Marsh, the racy mother of two who is a singer and dancer in made-for-TV act Hear’Say, has taken a walk-on part in EastEnders, the hit television show about an area of London where residents aren’t allowed to own their own washing machines. For her starring role, Kym, the lead guitarist in the group, “is seen in a hooded top, swigging beer with mates by Albert Square’s market.” It is not Kym’s first foray into television acting, but it is the first time her acting has been caught on camera and broadcast.

Tabloid Hell has learned that indignant TV watchdogs are horrified with her role. “What if youngsters see her and decide to copy her?” asked a woman. “There are various town ordinances forbidding consummation of alcohol and she is breaking all of them if not more. And the fact that she is wearing a hooded top shows programme makers are attempting to cast her as 12-year-old because they wear such tops. What sort of message is that to send to 12-year-olds. Is it saying: ‘Hey, I know you’re 12 but, here, get drunk out of your head on extra strength lager beer that tramps drink and then move onto glue and steal hubcaps from expensive cars such as Mercedes Benz or BMWs or such like and then move onto heroin and end up a junkie addicted to smack horse lying in a gutter and scaring old women when you steal from them to feed your addict horse habit?’ Is this a good message to send. I’m not sure that it is. Sometimes programme makers can go too far. I implore all reasonable people to write a strongly worded letter of complaint or annoyance to their local councillor or clergyman. Stop this madness now.”

Elsewhere, Abs from Five used a press conference to announce that the band are splitting to play down invisibility rumours that have plagued him in recent years. “Keep your eyes peeled,” he has warned, “because I’m not going to disappear.” However, he has grown a moustache. “He thinks he looks like Magnum PI,” a man toldTabloid Hell. “But he fucking doesn’t. He looks like a funny wee rubber-faced man with a moustache. And this denial of the invisibility thing is a bag of balls. There’s days no one can see him. if he wants to be seen, he has to wear big coats and goggles and hats like Chevy Chase in that shite film. It’s an incredible power to have and I think the rest of the band had started to resent him for it. Ritchie could levitate and Sean had the power of bi-polar duality, but that’s really nothing on being invisible. It might be the real reason behind the split.”

The Mirror’s Ever Vigilant 3am Girls today reveal that Liam and Noel Gallagher went for a drink in a pub with their girlfriends near where they live.

Good luck.

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