TABLOID HELL – DECEMBER 10 2001

Plus - Robbie's tooth hurts, Posh Spice tackles French and Whitney sings at a wedding...

Kym is getting married.

The racy mother of two, drummer with top selling chart favourite band five-piece Hear’Say, is planning to wed her husband to be next year.

The Daily Star reports that Kym told travel agents she wanted to find a castle as the scene for the ceremony. She has been inseparable from her actor boyfriend Jack from ‘EastEnders’ since they met and fell completely in love a week or so ago. Jack, while considerably younger than the older Kym, is still old enough to vote and knows his own mind.

“It’s really lovely,” said a possible guest at the wedding. “Kym and Jack see each other as often as their busy schedules allow, but they’re both very busy and don’t see each other very often. They thought that by getting wed, they’d be able to get a full day together and they’d even be able to have some of their friends round and make a night of it. And they’re both natural performers the pair of them – you should see them together – so their own wedding is the perfect opportunity for them to have others look at them all the time all day.

“The castle was Kym’s idea. She thought that some of the children present might get a bit bored boozing all day and thought that maybe they’d like to play soldiers or something around the battlements. She also thought it’d be really funny watching the pissed up kids trying to walk along the ancient monuments trying to keep their footing. She really has a great sense of humour has Kym. I think it’s because she’s from the north of England and they really know how to have a laugh in that part of the world. I think it’s because they don’t have any television or radio up there and have to entertain themselves with parlour games and pieces of coal. Some of Jack from ‘EastEnders” relatives are Irish, so they’ll probably be really thrown because they won’t even have seen coal, seeing as how they just eat potatoes all the time. It’s going to be quite a day, I can tell you. If it goes well, they plan to make it a monthly affair until they stop seeing each other. Then some of the rest of Hear’Say can start getting wed for a while.”

The Mirror reports that Elton John, boyfriend of David Furnish, a href=”http://www.nme.com/artists/artist.htm?ID=44604″>Elton John’s partner, has apologised to Hear’Say for calling them ugly.

“Elton was wrong,” said someone. “And he’s man enough to admit it. It they were ugly they wouldn’t be chart-topping.”

Elsewhere, The Sun reports that Posh Victoria Spice Beckham is to sing her next single in French. The track will be called ‘Mon Couer Suivra’. Victoria is understood to be delighted.

“She’s been talking to Baby Emma Bunton about moving to the continent,” said a source well within the camp. “She told her that she wanted her husband David Beckham, the disappointingly- out-of-sorts-winger-soon-to-return-to-blistering-form-forManchester United, to move to Milan so he could play for a team there and she could buy nice frocks. She asked Baby what language she should learn and without a moment’s hesitation, Baby said: ‘French, everyone speaks French all over Milan. It’s a French speaking country.'”

Meanwhile, The Daily Star also reports that soon to be wed Kym Marsh had a scare at the Smash Hits Party Awards yesterday. She had a kidney complaint and was almost unable to carry on. But she did. The Star also reveals top-selling UK artist Robbie Williams is to see a dentist because he has had toothache, while Whitney Houston is to sing ‘Here Comes The Bride’ at Liza Minnelli’s wedding. Michael Jackson will be best man.

The Mirror’s 3am Grills today reveal that Geri Halliwell has had membership of her local health club rescinded.

Email Tabloidhell@nme.com. Or click here for your votes on which member of Hear’Say should get married next.