PURE! SIMPLE!

Hey! Hear Hear'say hearsay and heresy here! (You can read about Geri, Bez and Terri Dwyer as well)...

Hear’say‘s Suzanne Shaw has a rich entertainment past. Shaw, who is bassist and percussionist for the made-for-TV five-piece who used to be popular but have decided not to be any more, once starred in a corporate video for a car insurance firm. “Suzanne is no stranger to acting. She nearly got a part in ‘Coronation Street’ once,” a source close to the band tells The Sun (October 18).

Tabloid Hell has learned that Suzanne is not the only member to have an intriguing acting past. Danny from Hear’say, who was once not in the band before, was favourite to take the lead role in Francis Ford Coppola’s Vietnam masterpiece ‘Apocalypse Now’ but lost out when he fell ill and the then much younger than he is now Martin Sheen stepped in.

Racy mother of two Kym Marsh, also a member of Hear’say, who like Danny once wasn’t, was close to taking the female lead in 1985’s ‘Out Of Africa’, starring opposite Robert Redford but was bitten by a wild animal on set in Africa and was replaced by Meryl Streep. “Danny was fucking gutted that he lost that,” a child explained. “But he caught malaria and was out. He was also prohibited because he wasn’t born then but Coppola didn’t think this would have been a problem. He doesn’t really act any more because he’s busy with the band Hear’say of whom he is a member though he wasn’t a member before he is now. He’s probably going to move into television acting. Did you know he was up for the part of the president in ‘The West Wing’ but that fucker Sheen stole in again? It’s unbelievable the lengths he’ll go to to thwart Danny from Hear’say‘s career.

“And I don’t really want to get started on what Kym from Hear’say thinks of Meryl Streep. Kym can be quite filthy-mouthed when she puts her mind to it. She has some great stories about the time she was on-set during the filming of ‘Kramer Vs Kramer’. She was up for the role in that too until Streep swanned in like some big shot. Unbefuckinglievable.”

Elsewhere, the Incredible Shrinking Woman Hairy Gelliwell is back. After a hiatus of days – if not days – she is pictured in The Sun naked with no clothes on. The former Spice Girl but now Forces pin-up is pictured as a promotion for her forthcoming single ‘Calling’ – a remake of her chart-topping cover hit ‘It’s Raining Men’, a track that went to the top of the chart and stayed there until it was replaced. Miss Gelliwell, who eats sand but not food and loved her time in the desert, also loves doing yoga and frequently does. She also lives in a big shoe owned by her boyfriend, who might not be her boyfriend, who plays basketball professionally for a living.

The Mirror’s Ever-Vigilant 3am Girls reveal that former Happy Mondays dancer Bez got drunk on hospitality drink before appearing on a television show. They also reveal that Terri Dwyer was seen having a drink at the Ritz. Terri Dwyer is an actress in formerly popular television programme ‘Hollyoaks’

Click here Tabloidhell@nme.com for a direct line to God.