TABLOID HELL – JANUARY 31

Yep, the UK tabloids know a celeb story when they hear it...

Shaky’s back. That’s right, Shakin’ Stevens the Welsh Elvis who provided many of us with an early 80’s introduction to quiffs, curling lips and the ‘Green Door’, is plotting his return.

According to the The Sun this morning (January 31) he’s preparing a new collection called… ‘Shaky’s Back’. The scamp. His real name is Michael Barrett, you know.

Elsewhere, The Star reports that Chris Evans described his and young Billie Piper’s relationship as being akin to John and Yoko. Billie, it seems, has become a figure of hate for the rest of Chris’ band and for legions of fans, as her influence on him split up The Beatles. Oh no, that’s the real Beatles. In this instance, Billie cut his hair. Saving him £35.

got really drunk on her 18th birthday. And then appeared on an Irish radio show the next morning. Still a little tipsy.

Dane ‘I’ve got a single on the way about my split from generously breasted mad-minx Jordan’ Bowershas now made up with his busty ex. And talks to The Star about it. Extensively.

The ever-vigilant 3am Girls in The Mirror report that Baby Spice Emma Bunton went to “a Harrow petrol station”… and filled her car up with petrol. Like a few of the morning papers they carry a picture of Andrea Corr, wrapped up well going for a jog. Rather suspiciously, she had a sore ear last week… but now it seems to be on the mend. The body, medicine, science, all that stuff… it’s mad Ted, mad.

The Sun also reports that Courtney Love is not one to look a gift-horse in the mouth. When offered a free phone at last week’s Sundance Film Festival she lifted four. And two pagers. Likes to keep in touch does Miss Hole.

Finally various red-tops report that Soft Cell are following Shaky on the comeback trail. Marc ‘of course I’ll drink that’ Almond and Dave Ball are to perform together for the first time in 16 years at a show to mark the opening of new venue ‘Ocean’ in east London in mid-March. Alongside Kajagoogoo, Blancmange and Tight Fit. That last bit’s a lie.