BECAUSE I GOT HIGH…

Do you like sex? Hey, who doesn't? You're among friends here. Come in and read about celebrities...

It seems that smoking hash can make a poor popstar delusional. Afroman told The Sun that his new single ‘Because I Got High’ doesn’t promote drugs – in fact, it warns people against getting stoned. We look forward to Frankie Goes To Hollywood admitting that ‘Relax’ is a soothing destressing number and Britney Spears wearing provocative outfits, singing about sex and claiming to be a virgin.

Mariah Carey, owner of pop’s most pendulous breasts, managed to string a sentence together in The Sun without shrieking up and down eight octaves. The bad news is that she’s OK now, which will inevitably lead to another album.

Madonna has had 11 abortions, according to a new unauthorised biography revealed by the Daily Mail. But enough about her bad singles. Arf!

Ronan Keating wants the respect that U2 are afforded, according to The Star. When asked about Ronan‘s chances of an NME front cover, a special award at next year’s NME Carling Awards and the likelihood of the former boyband muppet ever being taken seriously, elegantly coiffured NME editor Ben Knowles issued a succinct statement: “No fucking chance, pal.”