TABLOID HELL – JUNE 28 2001

Plus - Robbie mistakes a television centre for a fisthtank shop, Geri loses the person who dresses her and a shock traffic light fact...

Mel B‘s heading for Brazil.

In an exchange trip, similar to those employed by schools and local educational authorities to promote growth of language and awareness of other cultures, Gobby Spice is planning on taking up residence in South America while former fugitive Great Train robber Ronnie Biggs has come the other way.

Mel explains in The Sun today (June 28) that she has bought a plot of land at Angra Dos Reis, just south of Rio. The singer intends to use the house as a bolthole to where she can escape from the pressures of living in a country where she sells up to a dozen records on release. Unlike Ronnie Biggs, though, she has never been involved in an audacious swoop on a train full of banknotes. It would have been an idiotic idea to take her along during the 1963 hold-up as she wasn’t born at the time. And had she been born the risk of detection would have been heightened dramatically as staff would have recognised as the future Scary Spice.

.” It’s the second day running that Robbie has been looking at things. Yesterday Tabloid Hell revealed how the singing star, who also likes to perform onstage and release records, both in single and album format, looked at a house. However, it is thought to be the first time Robbie has ever mistaken a television centre for a big fishtank shop.

The Mirror’s Ever Vigilant 3am Girls today reveal that the Incredible Shrinking Woman has lost her dresser. Seems, Geri‘s assistant walked out when asked to plan her outfits for a month ahead with at least two changes of clothes each day. This seems, to Tabloid Hell, a completely reasonable request. Geri, who nourishes herself by means of controlled breathing, requires nothing more than a nice frock. A rudimentary grasp of maths means that between 60 and 62 nice frocks are needed. Throw in a few comfortable loose-fitting linen trouser suits for morning yoga and you’re away. Oh, and then there’s the nice frocks for special occasions that need to be kept ‘ready to go’ in case Geri is called at the eleventh hour to end drought in Africa again or broker a peace deal in the Middle East. And then of course there’s the evening yoga suit. And maybe the odd jogging outfit. And maybe something to wear around the house when she’s reading an article in a magazine or perhaps pressing some early summer flowers – pollen can stain dreadfully. All in all it’s a dream job.

Finally, a former traffic-light installer from Florida, fired because he was colour blind and couldn’t discriminate between green and red, is suing his old employers for unfair dismissal.

According to ananova.com, Cleveland Merritt claims in his federal lawsuit that Palm Beach County violated the Americans with Disability Act.

There are 19 differently coloured wires in a traffic light. 19.

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