TABLOID HELL – MARCH 1

Just another normal day then...

Britney Spears pouts all over the tabloids this morning, in “those” scenes from the new video for ‘Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know’.

Dan Hipgrave from Toploader proposed to Gail Porter after reading in The Star how she was pining for him after just three days apart. A “pal” unfortunately gives their blossoming romance the kiss of death today by uttering the immortal line: “They’re one of the best-suited couples in showbiz”. Keep the receipt for those wedding pressies, in other words…

Furthering his quest to become the patron saint of pop, Elton John is being “credited” with helping Westlife wrestle permission off of Billy Joel to let them cover his ‘Uptown Girl’. Human rights protesters plan to picket Elton’s next live performance.

The Star introduces us to theP-plan diet, with the revelation that Puffy has lost two stones during his trial. The lovesick Puffy is also pining for his lost love J-Lo. Maybe she’s an avid Star reader too, and they’ll be reunited and he can start back on the pies. Or maybe not.

.

Russell Crowe took the stage in San Remo, Italy yesterday to play with his band Thirty Odd Foot Of Grunts, with songs from his forthcoming album ‘Bastard Life Or Clarity’. Also in the city yesterday, and getting a rather rockier ride than the ‘Gladiator’ star, was Eminem. The star was slated by The Vatican, who said that state TV company RAI was offending Italian families by supporting the rapper’s show. Celebrity Deathmatch between the Archbishop Of Turin and Slim Shady anyone?