OASIS FAN-ISH INQUISITION PT 1

Liam and co start talk about haircuts, Robbie Williams, aliens and Ian Brown in part one...

“And these are all nme.com readers’ questions?” Liam asks nme.com.

Yes.

“Yeah, right! They’re all from your editor,” Liam snorts suspicously.

Actually, he’s wrong. They are all from you, the readers. Generated from nme.com, there were 800 submitted within the first hour. nme.com arrives this morning with over 3500 queries. Sadly, they will not all be answered.

Noel Gallagher, Gem and Andy Bell were due to join us but Noel‘s got the flu, so we’ve postponed those three for seven days. For now, though, Liam and Alan are here in NW1 awaiting your questions.

Shall we…..?

“Who’s got the best haircut in Oasis?” – Brian Ashcroft

Liam Gallagher: Me. Because I shampoo and condition. And because I just have, alright? Who’s this off, Nicky fucking Clarke? Vidal Sassoon? I fucking wash it, man, and that’s why my hair’s in such good condition. Alright?

nme.com: There’s a lot of questions about Liam‘s hair. They want to know if you’re going get it cut soon.

Liam: Yeah I am, I’m getting a Terrybarrygarry perm. Alright?

nme.com: Brian Ashcroft also wants to know ‘Who has the best shoes?’

Both: Me!

Alan White: Me, without a doubt. I’ve got the best loafers.

Liam: Me, you cunt! I have the best shoes.

Alan: Sorry. My Prada moleskin loafers are top.

Liam: I don’t know what mine are. I just know that mine are the best and that’s the end of it. Who’s that from? Brian Ashcroft? That’s Dickie Ashcroft, you cheeky sod.

nme.com: What were the last pair of shoes you bought?

Liam: I got sent some shoes called Roots and they’re made in the ’70s

and they’re best shoes in the world…..I did buy a tasty pair of Docs the other day, though. 24 holes, the lot.

Alan: Red laces?

Liam: The lot, mate. Fucking top, man. I’m going out shopping later with them and a pair of pyjamas and the pyjamas tucked into me boots. ‘Where’s me paper’?

“If Patsy resumes her singing career at a later stage does Liam see yourselves recording albums together like John and Yoko? If so, in what style?” – Terry Makewell, Winchester

Liam: Definitely.

nme.com: What style?

Liam: Ragamuffin style.

“Has The Met Bar stolen your soul?” – Matt Aarons, Acton

Liam: No, that’s not fair. It has stolen a couple of grand of me..

Alan: And I got slung out…

Liam: Has it stolen my soul? How? My soul is fucking preserved and waiting. But talking about souls, he can come round my house and I’ll steal his if he wants it. ‘Cos if he wants it I’ll rip his right out of his chest. Alright, whatshisname, Matty boy.

“Are you scared of dying?” – The Gaslight, England

Alan: Never think about.

Liam: No, because I’ve already done it before. Done it a couple of times and it’s a piece of piss. There is nothing to it, you just sit there and wait for it to happen. Big deal.

“Do you still want to meet the aliens and what would you tell them?” – Louie, Eastbourne

Alan: I’d like to meet them, if there’s any out there. Well, there are loads out there. Have you met Noel Gallagher?

Liam: I’d tell them to mind their own fucking business and to get back to their own fucking planet.

Alan: See if they can lend you some money.

Liam: Yeah, ‘fancy a lager?’ And I’d ask them if they’ve heard fucking ‘Be Here Now’, you cunt, and if they haven’t they can get down to Our Price, #2.99 in the bin.

“Did you mind Patsy posing in a see-through?” – Jay, London

Liam: No.

nme.com: Would you do a swimsuit shot?

Liam: Yeah. Speedo. Lunchbox hanging out, Duncan Goodhew cap on. Totally, man.

“Would John Lennon be an Oasis fan?” – J. Dragontree, Portsmouth

Liam: I reckon he’d hate it. He’d be going (adopts gruff Scouse Lennon voice) ‘fucking, that’s fucking mine there, gimme me fucking royalties on that there mate! You fucking pinched that off me you fucking little cunt! Get me lawyer round!’ No, he’d probably hate us. Then again, who gives a fuck? He’s a Scouser.

nme.com: So he wouldn’t call his son Gallagher.

Liam: Would he fuck, the bastard.

“What are your favourite Pot Noodles?” – Craig Laughton, Widnes

Liam: Pot noodles……?

Alan: I don’t eat the shit.

Liam: Fucking Westlife.

“Have you ever considered moving to America? – Jill Danson, New York

Liam: No. He has.

Alan: I have. To LA.

Liam: To get in the porn industry.

Alan: Well, yeah, for the porn obviously. I also like the heat and the beach. I could do it when we’ve disbanded for a bit.

Liam: He can do it when I’ve moved to Mexico.

nme.com: Are you moving to Mexico?

Liam: Yeah. I’m off next week. I’ve had enough of it here.

Alan: You can make sombreros.

Liam: Make what?

Alan: Make those hats.

Liam: I’m going to Mexico to make hats.

“Are Oasis entering their psychedelic period?” – Stephen Sequeria, Sacremento, USA

Liam: Maybe. What’s psychedelic?

Alan: We’ve done it, probably, the psychedelic shit.

Liam: What is fucking psychedelic?

Alan: I don’t reckon you’d even know if you’d hit the psychedelic period.

Liam: You’d be too off your head to know you’d even hit the psychedelic period. If you’re psychedelic you’ve got to be off your twat anyway. I certainly don’t think The Beatles knew when they were being psychedelic, they probably think Sgt Pepper is a punk album.

“Who got the top bunk out of Liam and Noel” – Mark Flanagan, Bolton

Liam: Me. I was a good looking lad. Our kid always got the ugly ones.

“Do you believe in heaven and hell, and what are they like” – Bobbie Lane, Northhampton

Alan: I don’t believe in any of that stuff.

Liam: I do. Yeah, man. But it is not red and it is not blue. It’s just….fucking, I’ll tell you: heaven is City and Maine Road, hell is Old Trafford and United.

Alan: Why have we got a tape of Ricky Martin in our offices?

“What is life all about?” – Ringo Mountbatten, Ilford

Both: WHO?

nme.com: Er….. Ringo Mountbatten.

Liam: This is an nme.com question here, this is Steve fucking Sutherland. Ringo Mountbatten? Ringo Mountfuckingbatten? That’s what life is all about, stupid names like that.

Alan: I reckon it’s about changing your name, Ringo.

Liam: Definitely. I hope that’s answered your question, Ringo. Change your fucking name and move out of Ilford immediately.

“Who are your real friends?” – Claire Lange, Glasgow

Alan: Ringo Mountbatten is my only real friend.

Liam: I haven’t got any, actually.

Alan: Me neither. They all fucked off.

Liam: Me’n’all. All fucked off.

nme.com: Aren’t you lonely?

Alan: Nah, laughing mate.

Liam: Not fucking lonely. Can’t be arsed with all this having loads of people to please.

Alan: They all get on your case. They all come out of the woodwork as soon as you’re doing a Wembley gig. They get on the phone going ‘Howsitgoingmate?’ Fuck off!

Liam: I’ve got a few mates in Manchester, but you don’t need mates when you’ve got a kid.

nme.com: Are you really friends with Hugh Grant?

Liam: Not really, no. I’ve had a few drinks with him and he’s alright. But we’re not the Likely Lads, no.

nme.com: There’s a question here asking if your still friends with Robbie Williams?

Liam: We were never friends anyway. We might say a polite hello, that’s it.

Alan: The occasional little drink.

Liam: Fair play to him. I think his music’s rubbish but he’s better than that other twat he was in a band with.

“What is your favourite jungle animal” – Tony Saunders, Manchester

Alan: I like tigers.

Liam: Ian Brown.

Part 2 tomorrow