TABLOID HELL!

Liam - or is it John Lennon?, Fatbaby Slim and his mum's "shooting breasts", and Atomic Kitten's, erm, kitten...

LIAM GALLAGHER grins shocker! Photos of him and NICOLE APPLETON leaving a restaurant on Saturday and saying “cheese” for the cameras are all over today’s tabloids, with The Star asserting: “Surly Liam Gallagher is clearly looking forward to being a dad again – he was seen SMILING! The Oasis star shocked photographers by GRINNING at them as he and pregnant All Saints girlfriend Nicole Appleton left a trendy London restaurant.”

The Mirror’s 3am girls muse that his “Sixties-style white, peaked hat and matching jacket make him look like his hero John Lennon” but snarl: “We’re sure Lennon would turn in his grave if he got wind of the comparisons with this laughing stock of rock.”

, who is breastfeeding, said: ‘You should see how far I can shoot milk across the room.'” Er, yummy.

The Sun meanwhile has a full-page “picture exclusive” of Atomic Kitten Kerry Katona’s tattoo of Winnie The Pooh. Under the headline “Kerry bears all – But her Bryan’s not tattoo keen on nude Pooh pose”. The “pop beauty” – who gets her kit off in this month’s issue of Sky magazine – has apparently infuriated her fiance, Westlife’s Bryan McFadden. “He feels that my body’s for him and me. But I feel comfortable in front of a camera,” she coos. Kerry’s other searing revelations this weekend include telling CD:UK’s Ant And Dec that she and Bry will be tying the knot “really, really soon… um, probably next year”.

The Sun also tells us that Geri Halliwell and Spice Girl Mel B ended their rift backstage at Saturday’s National Lottery show. A “show insider” told Bizarre column editor Dominic Mohan: “Geri insisted on being taken to Mel’s dressing room and she stayed there for ages.” Well, ten minutes in fact. Gez had arrived with her popchum Robbie Williams, who was there to see his flatmate Jonathan Wilkes make his TV singing debut.

Robbie, meanwhile, has allegedly “banned his own dad from talking about him,” according to the Daily Record. “But veteran entertainer Pete Conway immediately defied the ban – speaking out to label it ‘ridiculous’,” we are told. Phew. Pete, a regular on Channel 5 karaoke show Night Fever, has been told to refer any questions from the press back to Robbie’s office. Pete said: “I’m old enough to know neither of us would even have a career if it wasn’t for publicity. It’s an essential part of showbusiness… I won’t stop talking about Robbie, I’m too proud of him.”

JENNIFER LOPEZ’s tribe continues to blaze a trail through

the telly stations of Britain, with the Star

regaling readers with tales of her latest round of bizarre requests when she

sang her new single ‘Love Don’t Cost A Thing’ on CD:UK. When she filmed the performance three weeks ago, she apparently

demanded seven dressings rooms for her 60-strong entourage, each one filled with

white flowers. As reported on NME.COM previously, when she

appeared on Top Of The Pops she insisted that her dressing room

be draped in white, and yet again she insisted that her hairdresser operate the

wind machine so’s not to mess up her hair. Ant And Dec had a

pop at her, saying: “What a great performance that was from the beautiful Jennifer Lopez – there again, it should have been considering

all the dressing rooms she ordered beforehand? and I’m sure those white flowers

did the trick.”

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