TABLOID HELL – FEBRUARY 8

Yep, we've got Liam Gallagher's love child, Eminem's big boat, and a Boyzone star "not being gay enough"...

MARIAH CAREY likes pink lightbulbs. According to this morning’s (January 8) Daily Star, when the dolphin-voiced chanteuse checked into a $2,500 a night suite in the Beverly Hills Hotel recently, she had all the ordinary bulbs removed and replaced with pink ones. Then she had all the furniture shifted out of the spare bedroom to make room for her 25 suitcases. Miss Carey then handed out $50 tips to all those who helped her before demanding that a series of gnomes, fashioned into a likeness of Rocket From The Crypt singer Speedo, be placed in her bathroom. That’s not strictly true.

The Star also quotes current US chart champion Shaggy talking about, em, shagging. “I’m a good shagger,” he boasts, “I’m a good foreplayer as well.” The singer also puts forward a rather curious approach to courting. Kissing, it appears is important. “I could bone anybody but I couldn’t kiss anybody.”

spat…

Meanwhile, The Sun tells us Eminem, landing in the UK today, will arrive for his London Docklands Arena shows on Friday and Saturday (February 9, 10) by boat. Seems he wants to “escape GAY protestors”. The paper also carries a rather extensive interview with Marshall’s estranged mother Debbie Mathers. As she did in the NME over Christmas she says she is considering dropping her $10 million lawsuit against him. She also says he was a spoilt child. She will not be travelling to the Docklands Arena by boat.

Returning to the gay theme, we find Shane Lynch telling The Mirror he was kicked out of Boyzone for not being “gay enough”. Although not stated, it seems unlikely this means gay as in ‘My, looking down from this mountainside and seeing that beautiful meadow roll down to the lazy old river makes my heart skip and feel gay’.

“Bloody Ronan threw me out of Boyzone because I wasn’t gay enough – it’s as simple as that. He was always a prat and I’m happy to tell you I haven’t seen him or spoken to him for weeks,” explains Shane. The motor mechanic dancer does not detail exactly what Ronan suggested he do to prove his gayness. It is unlikely it involved developing a penchant for pink lightbulbs.

We skip back to The Sun, where recovering alcoholic Robbie Williams is getting broody. Seems that after the former Take That man played with Tara Newley’s baby daughter backstage at the Comic Relief benefit, he said, “I’ve got to get me one of these.” Preferably a Gucci one, one presumes.

Finally, a man in Wales who caught a big fish used computer trickery to make it look bigger. Jonathan Denny, an impish trickster, caught the pike, of around 25lbs in weight, in the River Kennet during early January. He then used a little computer jiggery-pokery to double the size of the haul and post the new picture on an angling website. He was rumbled when The Angling Times tracked him down, and he confessed. “I suppose anglers want to believe in myths and monsters”, he tells the Daily Star in his defence. Angling has the largest number of participants of any sport in the UK.