TABLOID HELL – APRIL 11

Also - being a publicity monkey doesn't work for Geri, Charlotte Church slams Britney and Mikey Graham's hard work (ahem) pays off...

It’s a boy.

According to the Daily Star (April 11), Liam and Nicole are going to bring another little male Gallagher into the world in June. The couple have already been discussing names – names that notorious potheads S Club 7 would surely approve of (if their thoughts weren’t so confused by mind-bending drugs). “I think we’ve settled on Rashish or Dashish, because of what it sounds like,” Liam claims, seriously. Continuing to tease the S Clubbers, Liam also reveals a little of Oasis‘ plans for the future. He says, “We’re in the recording studio in the minute. Then we’re going on tour again for a month to GET HIGH and then I’ll be a dad again.”

Elsewhere, Bendy Spice (who henceforth, thanks to Jonathan Ross as reported in yesterday’s Sun and Tabloid Hell, shall be known as Greek Boy Spice) is running into a spot of bother. Heartless radio stations throughout the UK, obviously unimpressed by her new waif-life figure, her homelessness and her curious ever-red cheeks, are refusing to play her new single ‘It’s Raining Men’. The Sun says that neither BBC Radio 1 nor 2, amongst others, will playlist the track, which features in the film ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary’. It means the song will almost certainly not be heard on daytime radio.

However, embattled Greek Boy is not easily knocked down. “We have got four weeks until the song is out and we’re hoping it will be on the playlist by then,” says a spokesperson. Greek Boy Spice has also taken her quest for parity right to the seat of British power. She is pictured next to Tony Blair in The Mirror, having collared him at the Pride Of Britain Awards. Blair looks understandably annoyed at Greek Boy Spice‘s radio snub. The PM’s official spokesperson Alistar Campbell is not in shot.

Campbell obviously has other pop queen battles to fight. The Sun reports that his pop favourite Britney has been verbally attacked by angelic upstart Charlotte Church. The Sun says Miss Church thinks Miss Spears, alongside Christina Aguilera, go “too far” in their videos. Britney looks great and so does Christina,” says the severe, big-voiced Welsh girl, “But they don’t need to do all that stuff they do in their videos.”

this week. It is unlikely to hit Number One.

The Mirror’s Ever Vigilant 3am Girls today reveal that Atomic Kitten‘s Natasha had a night out, enjoyed a few drinks and then sang a karaoke version of ‘River Deep, Mountain High’. They also let us know Mick Jagger was spotted window shopping in Richmond. Near where he lives.

Finally an Australian man who was attacked by a shark got his own back by eating it.

Andranik Markossian was swimming off Bronte Beach near Sydney when the shark sank it’s teeth into his arms. Rescuers, say The Star, couldn’t force the creature’s mouth open, so they cut its head off. When Markossian got to hospital he made staff keep the head refridgerated for comsumption later.

One thing cannot be overemphasised enough here – the shark was less than two feet long.