NOEL & GEM – THE FAN-ISH INQUISITION PART 2

More nme.com exclusives including why Noel models himself on Mr Burns from The Simpsons, what they think of Richard Ashcroft's solo project and more ...

Welcome back. Here we resume our grilling of Noel Gallagher and GEM ARCHER from Oasis in the second part of their FAN-ISH INQUISITION where YOU asked the questions. So sit back, stock up on cigarettes and alcohol, and let’s go.

So.Have you still got a brown Rolls Royce? – Tony, Portsmouth

Noel: “I have. It’s in the garage and it’s slowly rotting away. It’s beautiful, man. It’s a rotting Rolls Royce in an ageing English mansion.”

Gem: “You want to get it on the front lawn, take the roof off it, wheels off it and put a flowerbed inside along with the dogs.”

Noel: “I’ve actually caught the dogs kipping in it. I like looking at it because it’s a testament to how much money Creation never really had! ‘Let’s buy him a Rolls Royce!’ Why don’t you put out another album? ‘No, we’ll buy you a Rolls Royce’. Well, I’ll have it then.”

NME: Can you drive yet?

Noel: “No. I took about ten lessons, but the woman kept making do a three point turn outside the local Comprehensive school in Slough and after about three days everybody twigged on that at about half-four knobhead was going to come round the corner in a Nissan Micra with a big triangular L on the top. How embarrassing! I’d pull in and all these kids’d go ‘wooooooooooohey….’ stalled the fucking car! After about two weeks I got really pissed off with it.”

Where do get your clothes from? – Robbo, Brighton

Noel: “Mostly second-hand shops, I suppose. Wherever I see nice stuff, really. I tend to buy second-hand denim because new denim’s shit. I bought this in Greenwich Market (tugs at yellow chord jacket), these in America (pulls at faded blue jeans) and these at Clarks but I painted the soles brown with a brown marker because the white soles look stupid (much murmured agreement around table). I went into this art shop in Baker Street and asked for two marker pens that would paint rubber. And the two guys were like, ‘why?’ So I said I wanted to paint the soles brown and the geezer went (cockney accent) ‘fucking hell, man. I never thought of that, mine look shit too!’ I took them back when I’d done it and the geezer was like ‘fucking hell….that’s amazing!'”

NME: You once told us that shoes were most important. Do you still dress from the feet up?

Noel: “Absolutely. Totally. Spend hours walking around the bedroom with a pair of socks and shoes on holding stuff up going ‘mmmmm, ahhhh, I fucking don’t know about this yellow and brown!’ Your shoes have got to match what colour guitar you’re playing too. I had this black guitar and I was going ‘Gem, I can’t seem to dress with this guitar’ and he was going, ‘yep, black’s the hardest guitar to dress with’. It gets very Spinal Tap.”

Gem: “You’ve always got to avoid your blue, green and purple guitar.”

Does seeing Richard Ashcroft doing his solo album make Noel want to do his whilst he’s still in his prime? – Steve Parkinson, London SE1

Noel: “No, because Richard now has the problem of putting a band together and it’s not going to be session musicians. I know how difficult it was to get two guys in who are roughly the same age, vaguely from the same background and who are into the same things musically. For him it must be a nightmare. He’s going down a long tunnel now and there’s no obvious light at the end of it. Where’s he going to find five geezers who are into the same music and think the same as him? I don’t envy him at all.”

“The only alternative is to get a bunch of session musicians and fuck that for a game of tennis. I mean, on the album I think he plays most of the guitar and the drummer from The Verve is still there….but we did see a bass stack with Pino Pallidino on it which does not bode well for the future. And if you’re reading this Richard, it’s fucking wrong. Anyone with a fretless bass needs to have an arm put round them and casually escorted towards the exit. And then kicked down the stairs. The next step is Paul Young and ‘Wherever I Lay My fucking Hat’. I’ll do a solo album sooner or later, but I don’t want to take it on the road.”

Has Noel been anywhere recently where nobody had recognised him? – Nikos Karathanasis, Athens, Greece

Noel: “No, because there’s English people all over the bastard world. I went to Thailand last year for two weeks and didn’t venture outside the hotel the whole time. As soon as you go anywhere that has any semblance to a pub anywhere near it it’s, like, ‘Oi, oi! Fucking hell! Geezer!’ I mean, I went all the way to Thailand and met two geezers from Camden Market fruit and veg. New York City is alright, you can go 48 hours without doing an autograph there until you meet an Irish person who wants to take you for a pint.”

NME: Could you move there?

Noel: “No way. New York is the greatest city, for me personally. But I couldn’t be there for more than two or three weeks. I just miss England. I miss the football and telly. I miss Match Of The Day and beans on toast.”

Did you take The Supernova Heights sign with you when you left? – Heidi McColl, Ontario, Canada

Noel: “No. I drove past there the other night and they’ve still left the graffitti on the wall, which is great. It’s a little landmark in Belsize Park. I did notice that the Supernova Heights sign had gone, though.”

NME: Did you take the mod jacuzzi?

Noel: “It wasn’t a jacuzzi. It was just a bath. I got in there one night with the missus when I moved in and it took about four hours to fill up. Being the impatient bastard that I was then, I was like, ‘fuck this. I can have a shower in about two minutes.’ And I’d get in there and it’d have its own tide. I think it’s still there, the testament to my stupidity. More money than sense? Oh I think so.”

Which cartoon character are you all most like? – Matt Tassell, Essex

Noel: “Liam’s like the Tazmanian Devil. Andy Bell’s like the butler off the Munsters: Doesn’t say fuck all but when he does it’s really funny. Alan is Cockney Wanker out of Viz. I’m Mister Burns off The Simpsons.”

Gem: “We were saying that the other day. We were doing two days rehearsals without him ‘cos he was ill and we were like checking for bugs and hidden cameras. We could hear him from bed going ‘do that one again!'”

Noel: “Gem’s Scooby Doo.”

Come back tomorrow for the third and final installment of our exclusive NME Fan-ish Inquisition with Noel and Gem where they reveal their innermost thoughts of drugs, the British Royal Family and more…