TABLOID HELL – AUGUST 6 2001

Plus - Hairy Gelliwell tries to rescue her career by doing some yoga, the 3am Girls make some startling discoveries in Ibiza and a row brews over stolen sermons...

Macca is a bin hoker.

The former Wings frontman can’t resist walking past a skip, seeing a piece of rotting timber and thinking he could turn it into a nice bedside cabinet, or occasional table.

The most recent spot came during a walk through London’s Soho with wife to be Heather Mills. According to The Sun (August 6), McCartney said: “I was walking through Soho when I spotted a cupboard on a skip and thought ‘That’s a nice piece of wood. I could use that’.” Despite protestations from Heather, Macca lifted it, saying: “I don’t need it, but I want it.” What wasn’t revealed was that during his time in The Beatles, McCartney and Ringo Starr used to have ‘craft competitions’. Tabloid Hell has learned that during early days in Hamburg, the pair were constantly late onstage as neither man would get to the venue until the glue had taken on their latest creations. Such was the ferocity of competition, that the band almost split in 1961 when Macca accused Ringo of ripping off a nest of tables design he had worked on for several weeks. John Lennon calmed the spat by agreeing that though Ringo’s nest was ‘really nice’, McCartney‘s had indeed decided on the design. Also, ‘Norwegian Wood’, though credited to Lennon, was McCartney‘s own hat-doff to the difficult pleasures of working with pine.

. It’s her favourite Beatles song.”

The Mirror’s Ever Vigilant 3am Girls have been busy. During a trip to Ibiza, the beagle-nosed triplets spotted Sonique, a DJ, Djing in a bar. They also spotted Judge Jules, another DJ, in Manumission, a dance club. Jules was spotted spilling his drink. They also reveal that Pete Tong, another DJ, was worried he may be stopped DJing because there was some trouble in the club in which he was DJing as a DJ. “He was allowed to carry on,” they reveal.

Finally, an unholy row is brewing in Italy over stolen sermons. Father Don Pietro Zauma of San Maurizio is not happy. He reckons his parishioners are jotting down his sermons and distributing them to other priests in his Milan diocese. He’s “really indignant about unoriginal people who smuggle sermons”. Apparently he’s come across photocopies of his own sermons on the sermon black market.

Dirty business.

Email Tabloidhell@nme.com with details of where to find black market sermons. Or click here for the messageboard.