TABLOID HELL – AUGUST 1 2001

Plus - Tommy Lee lays into Kid Rock, The Ever Vigilant 3am Girls' best scoop yet and Chad the skull could rewrite history...

Robbie Williams likes nothing better than a good curry.

According to The Star (August 1), the popular entertainer, known throughout Britain, Europe and major cities in Australia for his cheeky banter, cheery tunes and ability to always leave a crowd thinking ‘Crikey, he’s quite an entertainer; I can’t think when I’ve last seen an entertainer like that but whenever it was it almost certainly wasn’t half as good as Robbie as he’s at least twice as good as everybody I’ve ever seen before’, skipped dinner at a plush Manchester hotel this week to send out for a takeaway.

Robbie ordered two tikka masalas, a jaipuri, two mixed jalfrezis, a chicken tikka, veg dishes, Bombay Aloo, Aloo Gobi, salad and three lots of Basmati Rice. He was delighted Shimla Pinks threw in a few poppadoms for free too. “Well I never,” the popular entertainer is likely to have said, “that’s quite a spread. I just hope they threw in a nice chutney with the poppadoms. I might mention this at my show. The public love that sort of down to earth cheek I have. Might even do a song about it. In fact, I could do a theme album with songs based around different takeaway foods – this is my Chinese one, this is my Thai one… whoops, watch it you cheeky devil! The public love that sort of cheek.”

is unlikely to be repentant about such wounding remarks. “I don’t really give a damn,” he’s likely to argue. “That boyo had it coming. If I felt for a second that he wasn’t a moron, then obviously I wouldn’t have laid it on him. As for being a shit… well you really gotta cross me for that sort of badmouth mouthing to come. And that damn moron is a real shit. See, he’s got me all angry again, the shit.”

The Mirror’s Ever Vigilant 3am Girls don’t hold back today. They reveal that Frank Thornton was seen eating in the Garrick Club in Covent Garden. Frank Thornton is an ageing television actor who used to be in ‘Are You Being Served’ and ‘Last Of The Summer Wine’. He is one of the actors from ‘Last Of The Summer Wine’ who isn’t yet dead. They really are brilliant, the 3am Girls. Really brilliant.

Finally, a large six million years old skull found in Chad in Africa could rewrite history.

According to ananova.com, archaeologists are waiting for the results of tests which are expected to confirm it as the fossil of an early human rather than an ape.

Until now most of the important early human finds have been made to the east of the African Rift Valley but this one lies to the west. A massive rift opening turned land to the east from jungle to grassland forcing apes to adopt an upright posture. If the skull from Chad turns out to be human, the whole theory that the east acted as the cradle of humanity will have to re-thought.

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