TABLOID HELL – FEBRUARY 14

The spokesman for a generation called her "nutty", casting the first stone in what could be the bitterest pop dispute ever. Plus Dido's phobia, Andrea Corr's tax disc hell and Craig David's intimate k

H from Steps has launched a scathing attack on Christina Aguilera. The details of the dancer/singer’s no-holds-barred Valentine massacre are carried in The Star this morning (February 14). He says the would-be diva, the woman he thinks is the nastiest person in pop, is “nutty”. She’s also “unfriendly”, not to mention “nasty”. H has built his career around a line-dancing tune. He also recently wore a Jimi Hendrix T-shirt on ‘Top Of The Pops’.

The Sun, meanwhile, tells us that Dido is scared of eating bananas. “I really love bananas but I’m worried the potassium will poison me, so I try not to eat them,” she says. She is also frightened of Greek yoghurt, sheets of plain white A4 paper and X-ray glasses that you used to get by saving up wrappers of Bazooka Joe bubble gum. That last bit is not true.

Back to The Star, where we learn Ricky Martin has bought a Miami Beach house that at $4million is more expensive than either Britney’s or Rod Stewart’s homes. “Nothing is too expensive for Ricky, who is top of the spending charts in the pop world,” says “a Miami Beach club follower”. There is no explanation as to what ‘a Miami Beach club follower’ might actually be.

The same red top also carries pictures of Sharon and Andrea Corr jogging in a Dublin park. Seems that when they returned to their car at the end of the run, they found a ticket for a lapsed tax disc. “By the look on their faces, you’d think they had no idea it was against the law in Ireland to have out-of-date discs,” says ‘one onlooker’. There is no explanation as to what ‘an onlooker’ (watching two young, attractive women minding their own business running around a park) might actually be.

In The Mirror, the ever-vigilant 3am Girls tell us that Eminem returned to his hotel after his London show last Saturday and had a Diet Coke. They also tell us that Robbie Williams bought a coffee. In Notting Hill. It is unclear if he also bought sugar.

Elsewhere, Atomic Kitten are dressed in bridal gowns to promote a fundraiser for Guide Dogs For The Blind (leave it…), the mother of Madonna’s husband Guy ‘I’m a right cheeky, but loveable, East End rogue, me’ Ritchie says he’s “not a rich man. He hasn’t got that much, not when he’s paid for the lifestyle you need in his position”, (Daily Star) and Craig David’s favourite Beatles song is ‘Hey, Hey We’re The Monkees’ (The Sun).

Finally, in a Valentine’s tale to melt the hardest of hearts, an Australian man has married his television. Madcap Mitch Hallen of Melbourne tied the knot with his Sony widescreen in his living room in a ceremony officiated by a priest. “One day, it just came to me in a thunderbolt – my telly’s the best companion I’ve ever had,” explains Mitch, the madcap. Mitch watches 10 hours of television a day. He has been divorced (from women) twice.