THE ‘PHONICS QUIZZED

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Second day of The Stereophonics' fannish inquisition...

What’s your worst on-tour experience? (Graham, Devon)

Kelly: “Our bus nearly went over an Italian mountain once. We weren’t on it, though. We were doing a video shoot based on The Italian Job, and then we flew somewhere because we had to do a TV show or something. But our crew had to drive the bus through the mountains, which were icy and they almost went off a cliff. And at the same time, our plane nearly crashed in Cologne because the wind was so bad. That was the closest to death we’ve ever been.”

Being a Cardiff United fan, I was wondering where your allegiances lie, because you are playing a gig (Er, have now played – Ed) on the site of the new Swansea football stadium which is of course cursed ground? (DM, Cardiff)

Stuart: “There’s a big problem between Swansea and Cardiff football supporters, they all want to start fighting. There was a thing on the Internet that said the two different sets of fans are going to try to start a riot at the gig in Swansea.”

Kelly: “They need to fucking grow up. The truth of the matter is that both Cardiff and Swansea are shite.”

Stuart: “It would be much better if everybody just fucking worked together to make a good football team for Wales. Because the two sides, at the end of the day, are fucking shite, and I’m sure there are thousands of people in Wales who would love to go and watch a football match if we had a good football team. It’s just awkward. There’s so many things contributing to it. I’d like to see them both in the Premiership, beating Liverpool and Man United and Leeds. It would be brilliant for Wales. But what can you do?”

Kelly: “We played in Cardiff Castle last year, that’s why we’re playing Swansea this year. We like to spread ourselves around. Like Flora.”

If you could murder one person on this earth, who would it be? (Alexis Cook, New Jersey)

Stuart: “Stuart Barnes. He’s an old rugby player, and he’s the most biased fucking twat towards England I’ve ever seen in my life. If I could kill somebody, I’d kill him.”

Kelly: “I saw a film last night, Very Bad Things, and it was about how once you kill somebody, then someone else sees you and you end up killing them too, and the whole thing goes round in circles. It’s not really worth it. I wouldn’t bother.”

Richard: “Every Chinese leader needs to be killed. Not the people, though.”

Will you be taking your own private portaloo to festivals in the future? (Richard George, Leeds)

Stuart: “Uh. No.”

Kelly: “But we’ve got nothing against people who do.”

Who’s your favourite band? (Phil Irvine, West Sussex)

Stuart: “Probably The Tragically Hip, for me, from Canada. Their new album is very good. We tried to get them on tour with us, but their record company wouldn’t pay tour support. And we got offered to do Another Roadside Attraction (Canadian festival), which they do every year, but it was the wrong timing for us because the album wasn’t out yet over there.”

Kelly: “My favourite band changes all the time. Today, it’s Supergrass. I heard their new song today, and it was very good.”

Is there anyone in the current British music scene that you would like to collaborate with? (Fatima Contes, New York)

Kelly: “I’d like to do some stuff with Beck, but he’s not British. If he lived here for six months, he could get a visa. Does that count? We got offered Ian Dury, but we didn’t make the deadline. There was that album of people doing versions of his songs, and we were asked to do one, but by the time we got the list there wasn’t any songs left that we knew. That would have been good, because Ian Dury’s an excellent songwriter.”

Stuart: “We just did a song with Tom Jones. It’s a song called ‘Mama Told Me Not To Come’ and I think it’s going to be a single. Tom Jones is a bit of a hero of every Welsh person. If you don’t like Tom Jones in Wales, you’ll be shot.”

Kelly: “I’ll sing on Noel Gallagher‘s solo album, when he does one.”

Were you angry at Nicky Wire for what he said at T In The Park? (Funk Soul Brother, Cornwall)

Kelly: “No. But then nobody’s actually told me what he said. I think he said I was six foot and the best-looking guy in the world, which we all know. He apparently said something about the way I smashed my guitar. But it was my first one. I was only trying, wasn’t I? He’s done it for years.”

Stuart: “Pete Townshend smashed his by falling over the first time.”

Kelly: “I did it by falling over. Let me just set the record straight, though. It wasn’t a ‘10,000 guitar, like The Sunday Times reported it to be. They said it was worth that much and it was the guitar I had written all my songs on, and it wasn’t. We actually bought it in specially that day. The only time I ever played it was at T In The Park.”

Stuart: “Ritchie Blackmore from Rainbow used to do that at every gig. Everybody used to think that he’d smash his white Strat, but he’d just have one of the roadies go out every day and buy one of those ‘100 Fender copies and smash those up every night.”

Kelly: “It wasn’t ten grand, anyway. It was 20.”

Stuart: “There was ten grand’s worth of cocaine stuffed inside. And since I just picked up the guitar and threw it in the crowd, somebody’s got ten grand’s worth of cocaine. Now, we want it back. If anyone reading this is in possession of our cocaine, please would you contact us at Stereophonics.com.uk.com.”

What do you think of club music (Toby Langley, High Wycombe)

Stuart: “Fucking rubbish.”

Kelly: “It’s alright in clubs, but I can’t understand why people listen to it in cars.”

Richard: “It depends upon what kind of club it is.”

Who do you think rules the world – Oasis or Radiohead? (Reynahead, Singapore)

Kelly: “It’s neither of them two. No band will ever rule the world.”

Stuart: “There’s only one band who ever ruled the world, and that was The Beatles. And it will never happen again.”

There are always a lot of Welsh flags waving at your gigs. Are you nationalistic? (Simon Bennett, Chichester)

Kelly: “We’ve had Welsh flags in Japan. We’ve just got shares in the flag company, that’s all.”

Stuart: “I just think it’s nice for Welsh people to come along to gigs with their flags. Wales hasn’t had a lot to shout about over the last 20 or 30 years. And bands like ourselves and Catatonia and the Manics and Super Furry Animals, musically, are putting the company back on the map. It’s made the kids proud to be Welsh again.”

Richard: “I once had a German bring me a Welsh flag and ask me to sign it.”

Richard, how easy is it to be a Buddhist if you’re in a rock’n’roll band? (Laura Tilmarsh, Yeovil, Somerset)

Stuart (singing): “‘He’s a rock’n’roll Buddha!…’ Fucking, what a song! That’s our next single.”

Richard: “I’m not actually a Buddhist, I’m just interested in it. I don’t think I could be, playing in a band, with all the vices around you.”

Kelly: “Are you not supposed to drink?”

Richard: “You can’t drink, you can’t smoke. No sex.”

Kelly and Stuart: “No sex?!!”

Stuart: “That’s worse than being a Christian.”

Kelly: “Only you don’t get all that cool gear if you’re a Christian. Dragons on your trousers and shit like that.”

Kelly, how does it feel to be fancied by every girl these days? (Laurie Witts, Shropshire)

Stuart: “If we could put Kelly‘s face on a dildo, we’d be fucking millionaires.”

Richard: “And it plays, ‘Rock’n’roll Buddha!’ as you use it!”

Stuart: “I was in hospital the other day, and Kelly and Richard came to visit me. And Kelly got chucked out, for walking under the beds.”

Kelly: “A bucket of lies, that is. Anyway, I don’t think about being fancied by girls, really. It’s very nice, very flattering, but I don’t take it very seriously.”

Part 1