TABLOID HELL – FEBRUARY 1

It's not all bad though - there's pictures of Angelina Jolie in the bath...

Life just doesn’t get any easier for Baby Spice Emma Bunton.

Following yesterday’s startling revelation in The Mirror that the ditzy blonde stopped at a petrol station outside London recently to fill her car with petrol, today (February 1) The Sun tells us about a dice with death on the back of a dolphin.

It seems that while filming a travel show for for the BBC in the Bahamas, Emma jumped astride a kindly porpoise for a quick dash through the ocean. Flipper, though, decided to make life a little interesting and rather than a leisurely swim, it seems he headed for a bunch of rocks at 30 mph. “I thought I was going to come flying off and hit the rocks,” gasped plucky Emma after her ordeal. “It was very scary… I didn’t know what was going to happen.” She didn’t hit the rocks. Flipper presumably went home and listened to All Saints.

. The ‘Bad Boy rapper’ has taken to flower-pressing and charitable works and claims, ahead of his visit to the UK next week, that he will stamp out bad language and rap instead about lolloping sheep. Naturally this is untrue – he faces arrest if he encourages his audience to take drugs and is suspected to “under the influence of narcotics” – but it would make quite a story.

The Star tells us that Robbie Williams “has been enjoying secret dates with Rod Stewart’s daughter” Kimberley. Never one to follow conventional routes, it seems that sober Mr Williams was introduced to Ms Stewart by her half-brother Ashley. Robbie met Ashley through Alcoholics Anonymous. The ‘Anoymous’ element of these meetings – that big Bob is said to frequent in Los Angeles – remains something of a mystery.

The Star also tells us that Britney got a little close to model Brice Durand with whom she enjoyed steamy clinches while filming the video for forthcoming single ‘Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know’. Seems that “when filming cooled down… Britney didn’t.”

They also tell us Courtney Love is keen to play Paula Yates in a bio-pic of the late star’s life. “I was born to play Paula,” Courtney told ‘a friend’. Well well.

The Mirror, meanwhile, tells us that baby Brooklyn – blessed child of Posh and Becks – has been given a star as a gift. Nice Auntie Emma Bunton – obviously recovered somewhat from the dolphin incident – purchased the celestial body (in the Pisces constellation) and named it Brooklyn Joseph Beckham. Young Brooklyn, an incredibly advanced child it seems, “is thrilled and excited that he is now the proud owner of his very own star”, said ‘a pal’. “He keeps telling all his friends he wants to visit Brooklyn and stay there on holiday.” Have mum and dad being spreading a little misinformation. Or have they just forgotten. Either way, someone should remind them that Brooklyn Joseph was actually conceived in a district of New York, not a newly acquired deep space locale.

Oh, and The Sun is carrying a photo of Angelina Jolie in the bath. Nothing to do with music, but it is a photo of Angelina Jolie in a bath.