TABLOID HELL – MARCH 14

Plus Prince Charles reveals his hip hop skills and Dido tells us why she thinks she still acts like a student. Sadly, it doesn't involve wearing traffic cones on her head and being pushed around in a

Poor Becks. The morning after he’s dropped by Manchester United for one of the first times in his career (he has had a noticeable loss of form, though), he opens the Daily Star (March 14) and discovers his wife fancies one of his United team-mates.

Apparently “Posh Spice once had the hots for… Ryan Giggs”. Victoria will be seen confessing her obsession in an programme to be aired next week on British TV called ‘Raw Spice – The Spice Girls Before Brides, Babies And Bust-Ups’. And though David can reconcile himself with the fact that the footage was shot almost seven years ago, he will bristle while remembering who accompanied him on his first date with Posh (a double date in March 1997, on which Posh was chaperoned by Sporty). It was, of course, Ryan Giggs.

Meanwhile, also in The Star, we learn that Eminem’s chum Dido says she still acts like a “tragic student”. Though she has sold three and a half million albums, the anaesthetising singer still steals from hotels, like a no-good common criminal. “I get booked into hotels, but I can’t afford room service, so I sneak down to the dining room and whip cereal and toast back to my room and sit there nibbling away like a tragic student,” she says.

Elsewhere, several of the red tops carry news of Prince Charles taking to the decks. The heir to the British throne visited a Centrepoint Shelter in Lambeth, south London yesterday and decided to attempt a little scratching. One of the tunes chosen was called ‘I Don’t Smoke The Reefer’. The prince was also heard to rap “Dig that crazy rhythm”. Good God.

The Sun, meanwhile, reports that Ringo Starr is to head out on an American tour with ’80s synth wizard Howard Jones. Ringo is renting a Lear jet for the jaunt. Howard is not.

The Mirror’s ever-vigilant 3am Girls tell us that Martine McCutcheon (she’s a former popular soap opera actress turned singer) will follow the West End stage premiere of ‘My Fair Lady’ with an aftershow reception of “warm plonk and peanuts”. They also exclusively reveal that Julia Somerville (she’s a television newsreader) was spotted at a cinema. Watching a film.

Finally, thieves in Doncaster have come up with a novel way of beating increasing meat shortages caused by the nation’s foot and mouth crisis. Rather than namby-pamby about (and here Dido might learn a thing or two), they stole an entire articulated truck full of 23 tonnes of bacon. According to police, the haul is worth £90,000. And Bruce Swatton, a canoeing teacher from Plymouth, is keen to follow his world record of 865 press-ups in one hour by walking a mile on his hands.

Incidentally, Muhammad Ali is interviewed in today’s Mirror. Read it.