TABLOID HELL – MARCH 5

Plus, aside from further Mrs Bunton revelations, we find out what Mick Jagger shares his bed with, Atomic Kitten's GAY drama and a doll that might say "clitoris". And it's not Denise Van Outen...

Baby Spice Emma Bunton has written a song.

And rather fittingly, ‘High On Love’ is for her mum. Who is also her best friend.

“I go through the same emotions as any other girl – we fall in love, we get our hearts broken and we love our mums,” the Spice Girl tells this morning’s Star. Mrs Bunton has provided no comment.

In other Spice news, all the morning papers carry details of Brooklyn’s birthday. The result of Posh and Becks’ divine coupling celebrated his second birthday on Sunday (March 4). However, rather than a repeat of last year’s £10,000 luxury bash, Brooklyn had to make do with a £300 affair at a local pub. Seems the Wacky Warehouse is his favourite. And considerably cheaper than his made-to-measure denim jacket and Paul Smith shirt. And by the way, Becks, is it normal for a two-year-old to still suck on a bottle?

Elsewhere, The Mirror’s 3am Girls report that Mick Jagger has taken to warming his arthritic old hips in bed with nothing more than a “Burberry cashmere hot-water bottle”. They also reveal that… no, in fact, that’s it.

Meanwhile, Westlife’s Kian Egan “has the same needs and desires as most 20-year-old men”, according to Westlife’s Kian Egan in The Star. But poor Kian Egan still can’t find a girl. Supermodel Claudia Schiffer, who guests in the video for Westlife’s ‘Uptown Girl’ single, “was different” says a generous Kian Egan, adding: “It was work, but she was lovely.” Bearing in mind that Kian Egan has “the same needs and desires as most 20-year-old men”, just what “lovely… work” is he referring to with supermodel Claudia Schiffer in mind?

Also in The Star, we learn that Atomic Kitten’s Liz McLarnon almost came unstuck while rehearsing a stunt for a performance at London’s GAY at the Astoria venue. Poor Liz “and her pals were planning to drop in for the start of their gig… but her harness broke during rehearsals and Liz was only saved by a safety line linking her to her army instructor”.

And Bill Clinton is to release an album. The sax-and-cigar-loving former US President “has been approached by Steve Rifkind, president of… Loud Records in New York,” reports the Daily Express. The Comeback Kid would be keen to make a “jazz hop” album if producer Quincy Jones was on board.

Finally, Jessie, the ‘Toy Story’ sweetheart of the Tom Hanks-voiced cowboy Woody, has been confusing children. According to the Star, Jessie toys have been heard muttering: “Have you seen my clitoris?”

“She’s supposed to be saying ‘critters’, but that hasn’t stopped thousands of kids asking their mums and dads what the rude word is.”

Disney are launching an investigation.