TABLOID HELL – DECEMBER 11 2001

Plus - The full story, Mel B is "shit" and Madge's birthday bash details...

Westlife have hair issues.

The Daily Star today (December 11) reports that Mark Feehily, drummer with the chart-topping five-piece who used to sit down all the time but now threaten legal action if they are not allowed to stand, resents the prize that co-member Nicky Byrne picked up for Best Haircut at a recent prestigious award ceremony for winners.

“He only shaved his hair off and won the prize,” said Nicky. “I did the same last year and I didn’t get awarded anything.” The rift now looks set to permanently damage and hurt the band who in the past have avoided any problems.

“It doesn’t look good,” said one key insider. “I’m not sure if I can emphasise enough the problem here. This hair prize literally amounts to a coup d’etat. It would not have been clearer had Nicky gone to Mark and punched him full in the face with the might of his fist. When Mark had his hair cut so short last year, Nicky was the first to snigger. And he made all the others snigger and told Mark he looked like a big baldy. And then when Nicky had his cut, he told all the others to snigger at Mark because he had long hair and no girls liked him anymore because he was ugly and he had man-breasts. It literally really hurt Mark – but not as much as the prize. That should have been Mark’s, it really should. He’ll be good about it, but I don’t think he’ll be pulling on a specially crafted titanium suit and stepping into a cage with a 90 tonne grizzly bear, ready to fight and win. The wind’s out of his sails and I think it’ll take something really special to allow the genie out of the bottle ready to call time on his mixed up insides.”

Elsewhere, The Sun reports that top rating Damage band have accused Mel B of being “shit”. The band, who feature several drummers called Jade who are all currently dating popular singer Baby Emma Spice Bunton, said Mel had been given loads of money to succeed, but hadn’t.

“You can’t argue with that,” said a source close to Mel’s former source. “She’s spent a fucking fortune, a real whack of big old dough. She invested much of it though, and I don’t think Damage can be too hard on her. She has property, which will never de-value, and many shoes. Damage don’t have that sort of thing, I don’t think. Maybe they do. I don’t know, really.”

In other news, some popstars went to watch the new ‘Lord Of The Rings’ film and really enjoyed it.

The Mirror’s 3am Grills today reveal that top selling US artist Madonna is having a first anniversary marriage party for a few close friends and probably relatives.

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