TABLOID HELL – AUGUST 9 2001

Plus - Britney's spot problem, Five star in disco and Californian nudists with burnt feet issues...

Westlife have new pants.

The Sun (August 9) reveals that the five happy young ever-sitting Irish balladeers have signed a deal to model Calvin Kleins for the spring/summer range. Calvin Klein are delighted: “Both brands, Westlife and Calvin Klein are perfectly suited. The band love wearing stylish clothes and have always been fashionable,” they say. Westlife are remaining mute. However, it is understood that it is expediency, not greed that has led them to the endorsement.

For a start there’s Bryan. Bryan is about to become a father. “He’s very aware of the price of childrens’ stuff – like nappies and baby-gros and sterilising fluid… and he was thrown when he went into Baby Gap on Tuesday to buy a hat,” a source may believe. “He reckons he’ll need to save money, especially because Kerry has lost her Atomic Kitten income, and as he used to spend a fortune on pants, this is a great and timely deal.” For the rest of the band, the deal is a signal of growing up and moving on. Until now their smalls have been bought by their mothers – Kian is still embarrassed if he has to go swimming as he’s not allowed to wear anything but brown nylon Y-fronts from popular Irish department store Dunnes. “They are known for sitting down,” a source should tell Tabloid Hell, “but it’s only because they were scared someone would spot their pants. This is like a huge weight lifted. Expect to see the boys dancing and bits of elastic peeking up over their waistband.”

‘s best friend in the whole world ever.

The Mirror’s Ever Vigilant 3am Girls today reveal that Five star Sean Conlon went to a disco. They also uncover the sordid details of popular British television actor David Jason’s private life. The ‘Only Fools And Horses’ funnyman was spotted “looking in an art gallery on Devonshire Street, London.”

Finally, a Californian nudist who had his feet burnt during a fire-walk is suing the event’s organisers.

According to ananova.com, Eli Tyler claims he suffered severe burns and nerve damage at the American Association For Nude Recreation convention in Jacumba last year.

Organisers told participants the walk would be “a safe and spiritual experience”.

He was naked. He was walking through fire. Still he expresses surprise.

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