YACHT A PALAVER

Tales of the yacht-toting rap impresario's high flying life... PLUS - Geri's Incredible Shrinking Underwear, Uncle Noel's gift for Gene, and Tabloid Hell has finally had its bucket and spade prised of

YACHT A PALAVER
Puffy has turned fully into Gatsby.

After years getting close hanging around the Hamptons and throwing extravagant parties, the rap mogul who is also said by some to be a rap impresario and a mogul of rap, has abandoned all pursuits except lazing around on yachts playing the generous host leaving guests impressed but wondering just exactly what it is he does for a living.

He is pictured in the Daily Star (July 30) strolling along a St Tropez promenade on the way to one such yacht, shielded from the Mediterranean sun by a parasol carrying lackey moving one step behind him. The Sun pictures Puffy on the boat, wrapped in a white robe, sharing pleasantries with the powerfully vacuous Lady Victoria Hervey and her good friend Jemma Kidd, a model famed for being really thin. "Kick back and take it easy," Puffy might say. "I'm going to fix you both a couple of highballs or maybe a whiskey sour. If there is anything you need, it will be taken care of." "Crikey," Miss Kidd might whisper to her spectacularly vacuous pal Victoria Hervey, "he is such an intriguing, mysterious brew. He is a self-made multi-millionaire who embodies the complex ball that makes up the American Dream and its abiding obsessions - like money, ambition, greed and the belief that all is possible. But there is also the danger that if things are stretched too far, the house of cards will topple. I say, have you read 'The Great Gatsby'?" "No," her fantastically dim pal might respond.

The Star also reveals that the Incredible Shrinking Woman has gone to new lengths to save her Incredible Shrinking Career. Following on from a show a few weeks ago when she provoked outrage by having female dancers kiss her upper arm and touch her shoulder, Geri has now taken to flashing her pants. She is pictured swinging her legs and showing her Incredible Shrinking Underwear during a show in Stockton-On-Tees yesterday. It is only a matter of time before her Incredible Shrinking Internal Organs are filmed by a microscopic camera and shown on massive screens during her rendition of world-wide hit 'It's Raining Men, Hallelujah'.

Elsewhere, The Mirror's Ever Vigilant 3am Girls reveal that Noel Gallagher has put £250,000 into a trust fund for his new nephew Gene. The trio, who are incredibly beautiful sirens, easily on a par with Helen Of Troy and probably better than that, describe Angelina Jolie as "lilo-lipped" - which is unlike them as they are usually as generous with their praise as they are with world-beating exclusives. One such exclusive today sees them tell us that Grant Bovey - who is married to one-time television personality Anthea Turner - was spotted having a drink in a pub in Surrey, which might be close to his home.

Finally, Tabloid Hell has now returned to replace Tabloid Hell who had the same name but was different.


Email Tabloidhell@nme.com with summer recipe ideas.

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