TABLOID HELL - MAY 23 2001 S Club 7 Tickets

Plus, Geri lines up the German market, Jordan stands for parliament and Dane Bowers writes for Westlife...

TABLOID HELL - MAY 23 2001
Bradley gets confused.

The poor singer from S Club 7 is on the road at present on the band's first nationwide tour and he's finding the frenetic pace disorientating.

"Things have been so hectic since we started the tour on Saturday, I never seem to know what city we are in," Bradley tells the Daily Star today (May 23). The band have travelled from Sheffield to Newcastle. Which means they have been in two cities. And as anyone with difficulty counting beyond one will tell you, this can get shockingly confusing.

Bradley also spices up the diary with lurid details of mobile telephone hell. "Had a bit of a nightmare yesterday because both my mobile phones broke - one got water on it and I dropped the other," he unblushingly reveals. It's a peek behind the curtain on a level not witnessed since Led Zeppelin's 'Hammer Of The Gods' was first published.

On a slightly more tame level, vitamin junkie Geri Halliwell has started to date a giant. According to The Sun, the incredible shrinking woman is stepping out with German basketball player Dirk Nowitzki. Dirk is just under seven feet tall, while tiny Geri is a three-foot pixie-woman who lives in one of Dirk's enormous shoes. Geri is more than happy with the Dallas Mavericks player and his entire culture. "I'm learning German - I love the language and I love the country. In fact, I feel I was a Deutsche Fraulein in a past life," she says on the week her album is released in Germany, needing a boost after being a relative flop in the UK.

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Every redtop has pictures of Jordan, the former girlfriend of Dane Bowers. The Sun reports on a confession she has made saying she doesn't mind current beau Dwight Yorke sleeping around. The Mirror's Ever-Vigilant 3am Girls, meanwhile, spend two pages detailing how Jordan and Dwight asked one of them to take part in a threesome, while the Star reveals that the huge-breasted freak is set to run for Parliament. Jordan, who has had plastic surgery on much of her body, including each of her two breasts, is set to run in the Stretford And Urmston constituency in Manchester.

Staying with Dane, who is from a very wealthy background but pretends to be 'street', we learn today he has written a song for Westlife. The Star says Dane was approached to pen an uptempo number to help the five-piece break in the US. "It's pop with a bit more attitude," Dane says of 'The Answer's No'.

Finally, police in Cambridgeshire are investigating claims that workmen in a tractor-mower drove over a duck nesting its eggs.

According to the Cambridge Evening News, a couple walking along a bank at Swaffham Lode, Swaffham, found the remains among fresh grass cuttings. And police are really investigating this.

Where is the monkeyman?


E-mail Tabloidhell@nme.com with your comments and gripes.

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