Tabloid Hell: Baby (Spice) gives birth

Only in our wildest alliterative dreams could we have dreamt of the headline: “Baby gives birth to beautiful baby boy Beau.”

But it’s happened.

Yes Emma Bunton, aka Baby Spice, gave birth to a baby boy that weighed 7lb 15oz - that’s the weight of two Posh Spices and half a bag of sugar to you and me.

Partner Jade ‘formerly of Damage’ Jones said: “He is absolutely brilliant,” and, no, he wasn't talking about Simon Fuller, he was talking about the kid.

Jones said: “Emma is upstairs doing really well, just recovering and bonding with the baby. Both are having a little nap right now.

“Both baby and Emma are doing fine. In fact Emma is tucking into some flapjacks and Coca-Cola as we speak.”

Well, we don’t need to tell you what two products will be sponsoring The Spice Girls tour, do we?