TABLOID HELL - MAY 8 2001

Plus, Billie weds a millionaire, Madonna in education mix-up and Mariah is showered in champagne...

TABLOID HELL - MAY 8 2001
Mel B has a hole in her tongue. And it's getting bigger.

Such is the increasing size of the rip, the Daily Star claims today (May 8), that Gobby Spice has had to remove her tongue stud. "I'll put a smaller one in," she said, "because the old one had a really big ball."

Elsewhere, every red-top carries pictures of teenage Billie Piper's marriage to much older and ginger but hugely wealthy Chris Evans. The Sun, finding a spare two pages between dribbling Ronnie Biggs, reveals the rather disheartening news that the pair, one of whom is 18 and pretty, the other of whom is 35, ginger but inexcusably wealthy, chose Andrew Lloyd Webber as the soundtrack to their union. They played 'All I Ask Of You' from 'The Phantom Of The Opera'. Billie used to have a thriving pop career.

Back to The Star where we learn that Madonna has set a sterling example to her children by attempting to enrol her daughter at the wrong school.

Seems Madge, as her husband, the faux Cockney wideboy and film director of limited ability Guy Ritchie, calls her, attempted to ring Cheltenham Ladies College to enrol daughter Lourdes, but ended up with Cheltenham College. Ever the opportunist, Madonna has decided to have a look around anyway, with an eye on sending eight-month-old son Rocco there when he is old enough.

The Mirror's Ever-Vigilant 3am Girls, meanwhile, report on an amusing scrape that dolphin-voiced Mariah Carey and her friend Mira Sorvino, the actress, found themselves in recently. Seems the pair ordered some champagne in a New York restaurant. The restaurant didn't have any, so sent out a waiter to buy some. "We presume it was unchilled," the Dorothy Parkers of their age reason, "on uncorking, the ladies got soaked." Fancy.

The 3amers also reveal that David Beckham was spotted with his son Brooklyn walking through Heathrow Airport. He may have been going somewhere. Or perhaps returning.

Finally, a man has established the Apostrophe Protection Society in a bid to stop people using the punctuation mark incorrectly.
According to ananova.com, John Richards and his son Stephen, the only members of the society, want to get people to use the apostrophe correctly.

Mr Richards, a former journalist sends letters on headed Apostrophe Protection Society paper to anyone in Boston, Lincolnshire, who uses the punctuation incorrectly.

"It is something that has been irritating me for a long time," said the 75-year-old. "I walk around town and see so many misplaced or omitted apostrophes it beggars belief. There are just so many of them, I thought something had to be done."

Mr Richard's is allowed to vote.

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