TABLOID HELL - FEBRUARY 23

Aside from the Grammy Awards, we also get to hear about Mel B's bikini line. You have been warned...

TABLOID HELL - FEBRUARY 23
This morning (February 23) the tabloids are wall to wall with Grammy fashion. While most of it centres on Toni Braxton's most excellent white ensemble - "a Grecian-style affair which consisted of little more than a flimsy strip of white cloth held strategically in place with silver lame straps," according to The Mirror, and "slashed up to reveal the apparently unclad cheeks of her bottom," adds a horned-up Express, others head for different targets. The Daily Star splashes Courtney Love across its front-page, bursting out all over the place in her very tight red dress - "a rather impressive display," says an agog Sun.

It's the Express, though, that focuses on some strange targets. Getting catty with Mrs Ritchie, they say Madonna's stage apparel made her look like "a butch roadie in her dowdy combat trousers and vest". They also single out Charlotte Church - looking 16 going on 40 - as having stolen the show in a "demure toga". The photo of Miss Church is beside one of Traci Bingham, formerly of 'Baywatch'. Traci dispensed with tired old material to wear nothing more than some stick-on breast jewellery and a smile. So that's Charlotte Church looking "demure" or la Bingham... I mean, come on.

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The Mirror, meanwhile, kicks off its three-page special with an analysis of what the Eminem/Elton love-in actually means. Weighing up the pros and cons for both, it ends with brutal frankness and rare insight. It was, says the paper, "quite frankly, not very good... Sir Elton, you let a lot of good people down. And, Eminem, you turned out to be just another showbiz hypocrite."

Elsewhere in The Mirror, the 3am Girls ignore all Grammy fever to tell us that producers of J-Lo's new film, 'The Wedding Planner', are "keeping their fingers crossed that the singer-actress does not want to come to London in April to publicise the flick". Seems they are fearful of having to shell out to meet Jennifer's big demands for her personal requirements. Such demands would of course be reported widely. Which would promote the film. Which is what we're told they want to avoid doing. Which doesn't make a whole host of sense. They also tell us that Spice Girl Mel B has been discussing her bikini line. "Next time I go on holiday, I'm going to have a Brazilian wax," she says. Much like Toni Braxton one presumes.

Finally, members of a golf course in Scotland have bought plots of land on the moon in order to develop a lunar golf course. According to The Star the members of Earlston golf club in the Scottish borders have paid #101 to www.moonestates.com. Currently, they don't have a terrestrial course to call their own.

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