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10 Indie Rock Reality TV Shows That'd Make Essential Viewing

From Hogan Knows Best Coast to The XX Factor, here's some potential music-based reality shows that if they ever made their way onto TV screens would make for some seriously funny viewing. TV commissioners the world over, over to you...

  • Hogan Knows Best Coast: Old Handlebar Hulk moves in with Beth Consentino, whose home by the way is wall-papered from floor to ceiling with cat memes printed off Buzzfeed. It starts well for the odd couple, but soon arguments ensue, leading to mind-blowing lyrics like "I think Hulk Hogan's really bad/He really makes me really sad" on the Californians' next slice of sun-bleached pop-punk.

    Photo: Michael M

    Added: 18 May 2015

  • Come Dine With Ye: Kanye serves up Kanye-based food interspersed with educational speeches about the importance of Kanye as man, chef and cultural icon. Delicacies on the menu include: What She Order? Fish Filet, his special All Day breakfast and croissants as far as the eye can see. The winner, every night, always, till the end of time, is Kanye.

    Photo: Michael M

    Added: 19 May 2015

  • Keeping Up With The Kasabians: Docu-soap in which everyone's favourite Leicester oiks pack in the world of indie for a champagne-filled new life in the Hamptons. Highlights would doubtlessly include Tom getting bitch-slapped for calling a rival socialite "eez-eh", Serge marrying Kanye West and bassist Chris Edwards #breakingtheinternet by posing for a photo with his backside out.

    Photo: Michael M

    Added: 18 May 2015

  • Fat White Family Fortunes: The only game show on TV where you're as likely to win a venereal disease as you are a car, presented by a vomit-soaked Les Dennis, who to be honest spends most of the show cowering in the corner from the nasty, noisy 'Touch The Leather' loons. Probably not one for prime time.

    Photo: Michael M

    Added: 18 May 2015

  • The XX Factor: Ladies and gentlemen! It's time to face! The! Sparse and emotional music! Forget standard talent shows, because on it's out with warbling Bastille covers and in with sad goths. The eventual winner is a tattooed bloke from Clapton who does a cover of John Cage's totally silent avant garde ditty '4'33''. In the race for Christmas Number One, it charts at a respectable 8,364th.

    Photo: Michael M

    Added: 18 May 2015

  • Snoop Dogg The Bounty Hunter: Snoop would totally be the laxest bail enforcement officer in the world. Tasked with bringing fugitives back to jail and weaning them off their drug habits, figures would later showed that 90% of his charges actually ended up smoking four times as much weed after meeting him as they did before. Oops, Snoops.

    Photo: Michael M

    Added: 18 May 2015

  • Ringo Starr's In Their Eyes: Lock up your yellow submarines and put your octopus back in it's garden because it's time to get down. Ditching the usual protocol of contestants impersonating musicians of their choosing, this would force budding musicians to take on Starr's look and solo canon, as the drummer laughs manically from the sidelines: "WHO'S THE FOURTH BEST BEATLE NOW, WORLD?!?!"

    Photo: Michael M

    Added: 18 May 2015

  • How Clean Is Your Housemartin: Travelling around the hovels and dives of the UK in their caravan of love, Kim, Aggy and Paul Heaton give a full and comprehensive life overhaul for those suffering a slovenly slump in the home hygiene department. Truly, each 60 minute episode, as Heaton dusts down cobwebs and pulls the hair out of your drain, would be a Happy Hour.

    Photo: Michael M

    Added: 18 May 2015

  • Catfish With Catfish And The Bottlemen: Worried you've got a covert internet stalker? Allow the weirdly prolific Van McCann to help out, who, between writing 30 songs a day and eating bountiful amounts of sticky toffee pudding, will weed the bastard out.

    Photo: Michael M

    Added: 18 May 2015

  • Johnny Cash In The Attic: Most Haunted meets the Antiques Roadshow, as the late, great Man In Black's ghostly spectre pokes around the dusty nick-nacks and family heirlooms in your loft, itching to give you a rough valuation for that vase you got on holiday in Stockport in 1983.

    Photo: Michael M

    Added: 18 May 2015