Kim & Kanye might be good at snagging headlines, but they sure aren’t too hot on baby names. Take the punning North West for example. Just no.
It doesn’t get any more metal than ex-Ozzy Osbourne guitarist Zakk Wylde, who named his newborn son Sabbath. Little baby Sabbath joins his older sibling, Hendrix.
Who: Zuma Rossdale Parents: Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale. Why? Well it’s better than ‘Puma’ we suppose…
Who: Zowie Bowie Parents: Angie and David Bowie. Why? It was the 70’s…He later changed his name to ‘Duncan’. Take that, ma and pa.
Who: Audio Science Clayton Parents: Former Warpaint drummer and actress Shannyn Sossamon and author Dallas Clayton Why? When your parents are called ‘Shannyn’ and ‘Dallas’ you’re not going to be called ‘Brian’ are you?
Who: Rolan Bolan Parents: Marc Bolan and Gloria Jones Why? Because ‘Mo Mowlan Bolan’ was taken…
Who: Otis Ferry Parents: Bryan Ferry and Lucy Helmore Why? So we could all say “Oh Otis, you pro-hunting idiot,” one day.
Who: Moon Unit Zappa Parents: Gail and Frank Zappa Why? Perfect name for the voice behind ‘Valley Girl’. She has a sibling called Dweezil.
Who:Lennon Gallagher Parents: Liam Gallagher and Nicole Appleton Why? A Beatles obsession gone too far…
Who: Everly Bear Kiedis Parents: Anthony Kiedis and Heather Christie Why? It’s like they played the ‘what’s your porn star name?’ game and it stuck.
Who: Seven Sirius Parents: Erykah Badu and Outkast’s Andre 3000 Why? Possibly a superstitious reference to a lucky number or just, you know, two hippies naming a baby.
Who:Bronx Mowgli Wentz Parents: Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson Why? It means ‘male hair straighners’ in Arabic.
Who: Bluebelle Madonna Parents: Geri Halliwell and Sasha Gervasi Why? The kid got off lightly considering Geri’s dog is called ‘Harry Halliwell’.
Who: Apple Martin Parents: Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow Why? Possibly to encourage a future of adult alcoholism, “Hi I’m Apple Martin, can I have an apple martini please?”
Who: Bingham Bellamy Parents: Matt Bellamy and Kate Hudson Why? Apparently the name has ‘family connections’. That was the dog’s name wasn’t it?
Who: Blue Angel Evans Parents: The Edge and Aislinn O’Sullivan Why? Named after his favourite Roy Orbison song, was nearly called ‘Ooby Dooby Evans’.
Who:Egypt Daoud Ibarr Dean Parents: Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats Why? Prepped for a life-time of bar pick up lines, in the style of “Hi, have you ever been to Egypt baby?”
Who: Dylan Jagger Lee Parents: Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson Why? Nearly as bad as ‘Lennon Gallagher’…
Who: Bandit Lee Way Parents Gerard Way and LynZ Why? Clearly got confused between ‘Naming characters in The Umbrella Academy‘ and ‘naming my actual child’.
Who: Storm Brieann Sixx Parents: Nikki Sixx and Brandi Brandt Why? ‘Stormbrie-ann’ is the most popular brand of cheese in La Rochelle (possibly).
Who: Eja D’Angelo Parents: Shania Twain and Mutt Lange Why? There’s not much hope if your dad is called ‘Mutt’ is there?
Who: Lux Gillespie Parents: Bobby Gillepsie and Katy England Why? Due to a love of either The Cramps or soap.
Who: Omri Greenwood Parents: Jonny Greenwood and Sharona Katan Why? It’s probably something to do with trees, isn’t it?
Who: Jonas Rocket Parents: Tom Delonge and Jennifer Delonge Why? He hearts the Jonas Brothers. Who knew?
Who: Sparrow James Midnight Madden Parents: Joel Madden and Nicole Ritchie Why? This is what happens when you play a word association game when drunk in order to name your kid.