Compiled by the Official Charts Company and a distant galaxy away from the critics’ lists, it’s the bestselling singles of the year so far, starting with: 40. Katy Perry, ‘Last Friday Night (TGIF)’. K-Pez’s 71st single from ‘Teenage Dream’ squeezes into the Top 40.
39. LMFAO, ‘Sexy And I Know It’. An irony free zone! Dunderhead’s buffet from the terrible twosome.
38. David Guetta FT. Rihanna, ‘Who’s That Chick’. Ri-Ri’s attempt to be on every single song ever recorded in the history of time gained momentum with this song.
37. Professor Green. FT Emeli Sande, ‘Read All About It’. Pro Green gets personal and blubsome, whilst Emeli retains her ‘scariest hair of the year’ crown with this collabo.
36. Black Eyed Peas, ‘Just Can’t Get Enough’. Will.I.Am left the batteries in Fergie long enough to record this track, a final hurrah for The Peas before they went ‘on hiatus’.
35. Labrinth FT. Tinie Tempah, ‘Earthquake’. Officially the biggest selling song about farting released in ’11.
34. Chipmunk FT. Chris Brown, ‘Champion’. Ironic or just ridiculous as violent tempered Brown sings on a track called ‘Champion’?
33. Katy Perry FT. Kanye West, ‘ET’. Kanye raps about Katy’s ‘Milky way‘, a rather embarrassed nation looks away.
32. Beyonce, ‘Best Thing I Never Had’. Bouncy’s kiss off to a departed lover was her only proper hit off ‘4’.
31. Calvin Harris FT. Kelis, ‘Bounce’. Kelis and Calvin create a dancefloor favourite and a pre-cursor to Rihanna’s ‘We Found Love’.
30. Nicole Scherzinger, ‘Don’t Hold Your Breath’. On this track Nicole recalls the time she told the other members of the Pussycat Dolls to ‘hold their breath’ whilst they were deep sea diving. Not all of them survived.
29. David Guetta FT. Flo Rida and Nicki Minaj, ‘Where Them Girls At?’. “…Quite near a can of Mace,” was the reply.
28. Adele, ‘Set Fire To The Rain’. Despite being a million selling chanteuse, Adele failed to understand the basic principles of weather.
27. Nicki Minaj, ‘Superbass’. One of Nicki’s many personas – John From Marketing- rapped this one.
26. Olly Murs FT. Rizzle Kicks, ‘Heart Skips A Beat’. …because of his deadly arrhythmia.
25. Lady Gaga, ‘Edge Of Glory’. Gaga’s 80s Springsteen tribute is a much needed tuuuune after the disaster of ‘Judas’.
24. Chris Brown, ‘Yeah X3’. Yeah? Um, no thanks X3.
23. One Direction, ‘What Makes You Beautiful’. They may look like a wholesome ad for Uniqlo, but we will never forget the obscenities Harry Styles whispered to Matt Cardle when he won The X Factor.
22. Jessie J, ‘Do It Like A Dude’. Gurner Of The Year Jessie debuted with this track. In this video she runs through her repetoire of faces: “wacky face”, “where is my carer please face” and “I’ve lost all feeling in my arms face.”
21. DJ Fresh FT Sian Evans, ‘Louder’. A slice of europop sleaze that’s as bad as it sounds.
20. The Wanted, ‘Glad You Came’. The photographer’s instruction was: “Do ‘a Jessie J face” for the single cover shoot.
19. Alexandra Stan, ‘Mr Saxobeat’. Mr Saxobeat is currently in talks with CBBC to have his own spin off show in 2012.
18. Snoop Dogg, ‘Sweat’. Snoop successfully takes the eurotrash dollar and emotes over a plunky beat. We’re disappointed in you Mr Dogg.
17. Aloe Blacc, ‘I Need A Dollar’. Somehow was allowed to make the chart despite EU laws suggesting songs about illegal currency are not eligible for the Top 40.
16. Example, ‘Changed The Way You Kiss Me’. In this song Example begs his girlfriend to kiss him ‘using your elbows as if they were lips.’
15. Chris Brown FT Benny Benassi, ‘Beautiful People’. Chris Brown continues his reign of terror. Sadly not a cover of the Marilyn Manson song.
14. Bruno Mars, ‘The Lazy Song’. Should really be re-named ‘The Really Really Really Annoying Song’.
13. Lady Gaga, ‘Born This Way’. ‘Express Yourself’ for Generation Gaga.
12. Christina Perri, ‘Jar Of Hearts’. The local council were forced to evict Ms. Perri after her ‘jar of hearts’ started smelling.
11. Rihanna, ‘S&M’. Rihanna’s dyslexic tribute to the middle England superstore didn’t go down too well after the steamy video for the song was revealed.
10. Ed Sheeran, ‘The A Team’. Like Damien Rice with ginger hair, this track is bound to be massacred by X Factor auditionees next year.
9. Jennifer Lopez, ‘On The Floor’. J-Lo’s comeback involved terrible novelty hit ‘The Lambada’.
8. Rihanna, ‘We Found Love’. The official song for ‘The Moment At The Xmas Party Where You Admit You Steal Staplers’.
7. Adele, ‘Rolling In The Deep’. The year of Adele began with this 10 foot tall soul-thumper.
6. Bruno Mars, ‘Grenade’. Bruno promised so much and yet noticeably flinched when a fan recently threw a live grenade in his direction.
5. Pitbull FT Ne-Yo, Afrojack, ‘Give Me Everything’…And you would because Pitbull looks like the scariest bouncer you’ve ever met.
4. Maroon 5 FT Christina Aguilera, ‘Moves Like Jagger’. The worst song of the year…?
3. LMFAO FT Lauren Bennett, ‘Party Rock Anthem’. …Oh no wait, it’s this one.
2. Jessie J FT BOB, ‘Price Tag’. Like Natasha Bedingfield with a fringe, millionairess Jessie swore it wasn’t about “the money, money, money.”
1. Adele, ‘Someone Like You’. You will never ever, ever hear someone say “I’ve never heard this song before.” This gallery of the bestselling singles of the year so far comes courtesy of the the Official Charts Company.