NME.COM

40 funniest quotes of 2009

  • On shagging: "I’m assertively feminine. I have working lady parts, so why shouldn’t I be allowed to sing about them?" (Amanda Blank) Pic: Tom Oxley

    Photo: Tom Oxley

    Added: 17 Dec 2009

  • On the Fab Four: "The Beatles are crap, they’re a bunch of pussies. If Macca phoned for a collaboration, he could fuck off." (Robbie Furze, The Big Pink) Pic: Tim Cochrane

    Photo: Tim Cochrane

    Added: 17 Dec 2009

  • On bad behaviour: "Kurt Cobain gave me some cocaine just before he died. I owe him two grams." (Steve Diggle, Buzzcocks) Pic: PA Photos

    Photo: Pa Photos

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On weird phobias: "I’m scared of cranes. Imagine if you were sitting on the end of one and it started moving and you’re hanging by your hands from the end… makes my testicles shrivel.” (Svein Berge, Röyksopp) Pic: Press

    Photo: Press

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On indie fashion: "You know them shoes that just come at you like a fucking snooker cue? It’s like, ‘Leave it out, man! You got a licence for them bastards or what?'" (Liam Gallagher, CEO of Pretty Green) Pic: Dean Chalkley

    Photo: Dean Chalkley

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On cock rock: "There is no vision to Pixies. It’s… all… pure… fucking… semen! It’s just all pure… fuck!" (Black Francis, Pixies)

    Photo: Richard Johnson

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On LSD: "There were these two girls outside our van at Coachella tripping on acid, pouring paint into their eyes and crying.” (Luke Steele, Empire Of The Sun) Pic: Press

    Photo: Press

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On obsessive fans: "We get some weird requests from fans. One guy got us to sign his asshole. But I didn’t look." (Corey Taylor, Slipknot) Pic: PA Photos

    Photo: Pa Photos

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On pop glamour: "I know for a fact Diana Vickers always wanted a shit before the X Factor shows." (Alexandra Burke) Pic: PA Photos

    Photo: Pa Photos

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On self-awareness: "The ultimate dream for a lot of people would be if one of us hanged ourselves." (Harry McVeigh, White Lies)

    Photo: Andy Fallon

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On rock'n'roll: "If people are offended by us, well, they should get the fuck off the bus, man, this is a rock’n’roll tour.” (Donald Cumming, The Virgins)

    Photo:

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On drug paranoia: "I thought the IRA had teamed up with the police and they were all trying to get me and the cats." (Pete Doherty) Pic: Tom Oxley

    Photo: Tom Oxley

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On over-zealous fans: "The fans would rip off my granny blouse – it was something sort of English and sexual and slightly comical. It was good fun." (Brett Anderson, Suede) Pic: PA Photos

    Photo: Pa Photos

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On just saying No: "I asked my cousin what poppers did, and she said your sperm goes green and your hair falls out. I was terrified." (Patrick Wolf) Pic: Tom Oxley

    Photo: Tom Oxley

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On fashion: "I made myself stop wearing headbands a year ago." (Andrew VanWyngarden, MGMT) Pic: Jo McCaughey

    Photo: Jo Mccaughey

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On boring bands: "Kaiser Chiefs? It’s like watching bankers play songs onstage." (Eddie Argos, Art Brut) Pic: Tim Cochrane

    Photo: Tim Cochrane

    Added: 17 Dec 2009

  • On deluded rock stars: "I think Brandon Flowers looks like he’s just walked out of Primark and bought a Casio synthesizer." (Patrick Wolf) Pic: Tim Cochrane

    Photo: Tim Cochrane

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • It's a hard life: "I can’t keep on living like this, it’s doing my head in." (Lily Allen)

    Photo:

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • It's a hard life X 2: "I rang up Mohammed Al Fayed and asked if I could borrow his helicopter. We were in Glastonbury 20 minutes later." (Lily Allen) Pic: PA Photos

    Photo: Pa Photos

    Added: 03 Jun 2009

  • On haters: "There was a petition to stop us playing Coachella. They can fuck off!" (Brandon Flowers, The Killers) Pic: Phil Wallis

    Photo: Phil Wallis

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On being eccentric: "You’ve still got your hair in a bag, Tom [Meighan, Kasabian singer]? I’ll fucking buy that off you!" (Serge Pizzorno, Kasabian) Pic: Andy Whitton

    Photo: Andy Whitton

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On hipsters: "I really hate east London. DJs and designers are like the devil to me." (Graham Coxon) Pic: David Edwards

    Photo: David Edwards

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On youthful misadventure: "I spent my 16th birthday high as a kite jumping out of a tree topless in my local park just because it felt amazing hitting the ground." (Florence Welch) Pic: Tom Oxley

    Photo: Tom Oxley

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On being irritating: "I'm bored of Bono and I am him. I'm sick of me." (Bono, U2)

    Photo:

    Added: 14 Jul 2009

  • On hobbies: "I drive around the desert on a dirt bike with a gun. That’s my politics." (Jesse Hughes, Eagles Of Death Metal) Pic: Tom Oxley

    Photo: Tom Oxley

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On over-rated legends: "I can’t stand Bob Dylan. If I wanted to listen to the sound of a cat getting strangled and dragged backwards through a hedge then I’d buy a cat, strangle it and drag it backwards through a hedge." (Paul Carlin, Dananananaykroyd)

    Photo:

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On bizarre PR stunts: "I’m breaking into GMTV. I’ll be the guy with the ‘Flashback’ T-shirt, setting fire to Ben Shephard’s tie and hair." (Calvin Harris) Pic: Emilie Bailey

    Photo: Emilie Bailey

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On being a figure of fun: "Someone had an inflatable cock and Liam [Gallagher] said, 'I didn't know Pete Doherty was coming to the gig.'" (Pete Doherty) Pic: Tom Oxley

    Photo: Tom Oxley

    Added: 21 Dec 2009

  • On bland rockers: "The Script make the kind of music that Jamie Oliver would have on in the background when he was making a pizza." (Yan Wilkinson, British Sea Power) Pic: Tom Oxley

    Photo: Tom Oxley

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On being a showman: "The suit I had kept fraying in the crotch areas because I kick around and jump up and down onstage." (Paul Smith, Maximo Park) Pic: Ian Dewsbury

    Photo:

    Added: 29 Aug 2009

  • On festival madness: "I took acid at Glasto when I was 20 and everything turned into orange peel. I woke up in a makeshift bivouac." (Carl Barât)

    Photo:

    Added: 23 Jan 2009

  • On punk rock: "I don’t give a shit if the album goes out and no-one likes it. When it’s mixed and mastered Gallows will play it in the car and we’ll fucking love it." (Frank Carter, Gallows) Pic: Tim Cochrane

    Photo: Tim Cochrane

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On pampered celebrities: "Kate Moss has lost her lipstick, it’s a fucking disaster." (Dizzee Rascal) Pic: Dean Chalkley

    Photo: Dean Chalkley

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On poltical correctness: "The Flight Of The Conchords DVD wouldn’t be a bad gift for anybody! Maybe, like, a deaf and blind person. If you do know someone who is deaf and blind then you should, perhaps, be more sensitive with your gifts." (Kristen Schaall, Flight Of The Concords)

    Photo: Press

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On cutting loose: "The bus stop opposite the studio was called Rockwell. And each day we did rock well!" (Jarvis Cocker) Pic: Richard Johnson

    Photo: Richard Johnson

    Added: 10 Nov 2009

  • On loving The Smiths: "I'm sure when Morrissey finds that he's getting an endorsement from the Conservative Party he will think, 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now' but I'm a big fan. Sorry about that." (David Cameron) Pic: PA Photos

    Photo: Pa Photos

    Added: 22 Dec 2009

  • On getting stoned: "Instead of a Martini, shaken not stirred, I’ll have a big fat spliff thank you very much." (Sean Paul) Pic: PA Photos

    Photo: Pa Photos

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On underwhelming indie bands: "Twisted Wheel is an explosion of underwhelmingness, a kaleidoscope of grey, a fiesta of sag." (NME writer Gavin Haynes, April 11 issue) Pic: Danny North

    Photo: Danny North

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On being in a band: "We don’t work in offices and we don’t want to moan about how terrible it is to be a rock star. What else is universal? Sex and schizophrenia!" (Alan Donohoe, The Rakes)

    Photo:

    Added: 18 Dec 2009

  • On cats: "I don't trust cats. I wouldn't send a cat to the shops with my money." (Jackie McKeown, 1990s)

    Photo: Andy Fallon

    Added: 22 Dec 2009