40 funniest quotes of 2009

Photo: Tom Oxley

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On shagging: "I’m assertively feminine. I have working lady parts, so why shouldn’t I be allowed to sing about them?" (Amanda Blank) Photo: Tom Oxley

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Added: 17 Dec 2009

Photo: Tim Cochrane

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On the Fab Four: "The Beatles are crap, they’re a bunch of pussies. If Macca phoned for a collaboration, he could fuck off." (Robbie Furze, The Big Pink) Photo: Tim Cochrane

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Added: 17 Dec 2009

Photo: Pa Photos

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On bad behaviour: "Kurt Cobain gave me some cocaine just before he died. I owe him two grams." (Steve Diggle, Buzzcocks) Photo: PA Photos

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Press

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On weird phobias: "I’m scared of cranes. Imagine if you were sitting on the end of one and it started moving and you’re hanging by your hands from the end… makes my testicles shrivel.” (Svein Berge, Röyksopp) Pic: Press

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Dean Chalkley

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On indie fashion: "You know them shoes that just come at you like a fucking snooker cue? It’s like, ‘Leave it out, man! You got a licence for them bastards or what?'" (Liam Gallagher, CEO of Pretty Green) Photo: Dean Chalkley

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Richard Johnson

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On cock rock: "There is no vision to Pixies. It’s… all… pure… fucking… semen! It’s just all pure… fuck!" (Black Francis, Pixies)

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Press

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On LSD: "There were these two girls outside our van at Coachella tripping on acid, pouring paint into their eyes and crying.” (Luke Steele, Empire Of The Sun) Pic: Press

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Pa Photos

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On obsessive fans: "We get some weird requests from fans. One guy got us to sign his asshole. But I didn’t look." (Corey Taylor, Slipknot) Photo: PA Photos

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Pa Photos

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On pop glamour: "I know for a fact Diana Vickers always wanted a shit before the X Factor shows." (Alexandra Burke) Photo: PA Photos

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Andy Fallon

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On self-awareness: "The ultimate dream for a lot of people would be if one of us hanged ourselves." (Harry McVeigh, White Lies)

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

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40 funniest quotes of 2009

On rock'n'roll: "If people are offended by us, well, they should get the fuck off the bus, man, this is a rock’n’roll tour.” (Donald Cumming, The Virgins)

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Tom Oxley

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On drug paranoia: "I thought the IRA had teamed up with the police and they were all trying to get me and the cats." (Pete Doherty) Photo: Tom Oxley

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Pa Photos

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On over-zealous fans: "The fans would rip off my granny blouse – it was something sort of English and sexual and slightly comical. It was good fun." (Brett Anderson, Suede) Photo: PA Photos

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Tom Oxley

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On just saying No: "I asked my cousin what poppers did, and she said your sperm goes green and your hair falls out. I was terrified." (Patrick Wolf) Photo: Tom Oxley

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Jo Mccaughey

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On fashion: "I made myself stop wearing headbands a year ago." (Andrew VanWyngarden, MGMT) Photo: Jo McCaughey

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Tim Cochrane

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On boring bands: "Kaiser Chiefs? It’s like watching bankers play songs onstage." (Eddie Argos, Art Brut) Photo: Tim Cochrane

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Added: 17 Dec 2009

Photo: Tim Cochrane

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On deluded rock stars: "I think Brandon Flowers looks like he’s just walked out of Primark and bought a Casio synthesizer." (Patrick Wolf) Photo: Tim Cochrane

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

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40 funniest quotes of 2009

It's a hard life: "I can’t keep on living like this, it’s doing my head in." (Lily Allen)

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Pa Photos

40 funniest quotes of 2009

It's a hard life X 2: "I rang up Mohammed Al Fayed and asked if I could borrow his helicopter. We were in Glastonbury 20 minutes later." (Lily Allen) Photo: PA Photos

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Added: 3 Jun 2009

Photo: Phil Wallis

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On haters: "There was a petition to stop us playing Coachella. They can fuck off!" (Brandon Flowers, The Killers) Photo: Phil Wallis

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Andy Whitton

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On being eccentric: "You’ve still got your hair in a bag, Tom [Meighan, Kasabian singer]? I’ll fucking buy that off you!" (Serge Pizzorno, Kasabian) Photo: Andy Whitton

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: David Edwards

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On hipsters: "I really hate east London. DJs and designers are like the devil to me." (Graham Coxon) Photo: David Edwards

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Tom Oxley

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On youthful misadventure: "I spent my 16th birthday high as a kite jumping out of a tree topless in my local park just because it felt amazing hitting the ground." (Florence Welch) Photo: Tom Oxley

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

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40 funniest quotes of 2009

On being irritating: "I'm bored of Bono and I am him. I'm sick of me." (Bono, U2)

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Added: 14 Jul 2009

Photo: Tom Oxley

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On hobbies: "I drive around the desert on a dirt bike with a gun. That’s my politics." (Jesse Hughes, Eagles Of Death Metal) Photo: Tom Oxley

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

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40 funniest quotes of 2009

On over-rated legends: "I can’t stand Bob Dylan. If I wanted to listen to the sound of a cat getting strangled and dragged backwards through a hedge then I’d buy a cat, strangle it and drag it backwards through a hedge." (Paul Carlin, Dananananaykroyd)

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Emilie Bailey

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On bizarre PR stunts: "I’m breaking into GMTV. I’ll be the guy with the ‘Flashback’ T-shirt, setting fire to Ben Shephard’s tie and hair." (Calvin Harris) Photo: Emilie Bailey

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Tom Oxley

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On being a figure of fun: "Someone had an inflatable cock and Liam [Gallagher] said, 'I didn't know Pete Doherty was coming to the gig.'" (Pete Doherty) Photo: Tom Oxley

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Added: 21 Dec 2009

Photo: Tom Oxley

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On bland rockers: "The Script make the kind of music that Jamie Oliver would have on in the background when he was making a pizza." (Yan Wilkinson, British Sea Power) Photo: Tom Oxley

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

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40 funniest quotes of 2009

On being a showman: "The suit I had kept fraying in the crotch areas because I kick around and jump up and down onstage." (Paul Smith, Maximo Park) Photo: Ian Dewsbury

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Added: 29 Aug 2009

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40 funniest quotes of 2009

On festival madness: "I took acid at Glasto when I was 20 and everything turned into orange peel. I woke up in a makeshift bivouac." (Carl Barât)

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Added: 23 Jan 2009

Photo: Tim Cochrane

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On punk rock: "I don’t give a shit if the album goes out and no-one likes it. When it’s mixed and mastered Gallows will play it in the car and we’ll fucking love it." (Frank Carter, Gallows) Photo: Tim Cochrane

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Dean Chalkley

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On pampered celebrities: "Kate Moss has lost her lipstick, it’s a fucking disaster." (Dizzee Rascal) Photo: Dean Chalkley

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Press

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On poltical correctness: "The Flight Of The Conchords DVD wouldn’t be a bad gift for anybody! Maybe, like, a deaf and blind person. If you do know someone who is deaf and blind then you should, perhaps, be more sensitive with your gifts." (Kristen Schaall, Flight Of The Concords)

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Richard Johnson

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On cutting loose: "The bus stop opposite the studio was called Rockwell. And each day we did rock well!" (Jarvis Cocker) Photo: Richard Johnson

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Added: 10 Nov 2009

Photo: Pa Photos

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On loving The Smiths: "I'm sure when Morrissey finds that he's getting an endorsement from the Conservative Party he will think, 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now' but I'm a big fan. Sorry about that." (David Cameron) Photo: PA Photos

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Added: 22 Dec 2009

Photo: Pa Photos

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On getting stoned: "Instead of a Martini, shaken not stirred, I’ll have a big fat spliff thank you very much." (Sean Paul) Photo: PA Photos

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Danny North

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On underwhelming indie bands: "Twisted Wheel is an explosion of underwhelmingness, a kaleidoscope of grey, a fiesta of sag." (NME writer Gavin Haynes, April 11 issue) Photo: Danny North

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Added: 18 Dec 2009

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40 funniest quotes of 2009

On being in a band: "We don’t work in offices and we don’t want to moan about how terrible it is to be a rock star. What else is universal? Sex and schizophrenia!" (Alan Donohoe, The Rakes)

Photo:
Added: 18 Dec 2009

Photo: Andy Fallon

40 funniest quotes of 2009

On cats: "I don't trust cats. I wouldn't send a cat to the shops with my money." (Jackie McKeown, 1990s)

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Added: 22 Dec 2009

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