50 moderately amusing music jokes

Photo:

50 moderately amusing music jokes

With help from our users, we've compiled a list music-related gags for your amusement. Starting with... My laptop’s fucked. It keeps playing ‘Chasing Pavements’ on a loop. Think it’s a Dell.

Photo:
Added: 30 Sep 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his collection of Pixar films except one. He's never going to give you Up.

Photo:
Added: 11 Aug 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Worst Christmas present ever: a Bonnie Tyler sat nav. Keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart.

Photo:
Added: 10 Jan 2013

Photo: PA Photo

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: Why couldn't Anthony Kiedis get his DVD player to work? A: He had a scart issue (via @HackneyTim).

Photo:
Added: 21 May 2010

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: Did you hear Sophie Ellis Bextor died at the home of a footballer? A: People are saying it was murder on Zidane's floor (via @fongchau).

Photo:
Added: 3 Oct 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

What's the definition of Endless Love? Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis. (via @jamiewolpert)

Photo:
Added: 25 May 2011

Photo: PA Photos

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow? A: Look for the fresh prints.

Photo:
Added: 25 Mar 2010

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: Why did George Michael have chocolate all over his balls? A: He was careless with his Wispa.

Photo:
Added: 11 May 2011

Photo:

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: What’s the first sign of madness? A: Suggs walking up your driveway.

Photo:
Added: 30 Sep 2011

Photo:

50 moderately amusing music jokes

I fainted in the curry house when I heard REM had split up. That's me in the Korma.

Photo:
Added: 30 Sep 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Me: "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" Kenneth: "Everybody Hz."

Photo:
Added: 13 May 2011

Photo:

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: What do you call a dog with two cocks? A: N-Dubz.

Photo:
Added: 30 Sep 2011

Photo:

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: Why did KT Tunstall fall over unexpectedly? A: It was suddenly icy (via @garydunion).

Photo:
Added: 11 Jul 2011

Photo: Tom Oxley/NME

50 moderately amusing music jokes

What do The Smiths have for breakfast? I don't know, but Johnny Marr might. (via @AdamZapple1).

Photo:
Added: 21 Jan 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the Monkees. I thought she was joking. But then I saw her face (via @LouiseKPhillips).

Photo:
Added: 18 Apr 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Two Beach Boys walk into a bar. "Round?" "Round." "Get a round?" "I'll get a round!" (via @Davebyard).

Photo:
Added: 15 Mar 2011

Photo: Danny North/NME

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off? A: Limp Bizkit.

Photo:
Added: 11 Jul 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: Why did Bono fall off the stage? A: He was too close to The Edge.

Photo:
Added: 31 Mar 2011

Photo: Andy Willsher/NME

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: How come U2 still haven't found what they're looking for? A: Because the streets have no names.

Photo:
Added: 6 Sep 2011

Photo:

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: What's the difference between God and Bono? A: God doesn’t walk round Dublin thinking he's Bono.

Photo:
Added: 30 Sep 2011

Photo:

50 moderately amusing music jokes

U2 are playing Live Aid. Inbetween songs Bono starts clapping solemnly, pronouncing "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa starves to death". A bloke in the audience shouts: "Stop fucking clapping then!"

Photo:
Added: 30 Sep 2011

Photo:

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? A: Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

Photo:
Added: 30 Sep 2011

Photo: Andy Burrows

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Razorlight’s Andy Burrows walks into a bar. Barman says: 'Why the long face?'

Photo:
Added: 4 Mar 2010

Photo:

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
 A: Fo' drizzle.

Photo:
Added: 30 Sep 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: What does Snoop Dogg wash his clothes with?
 A: Blee-aach.

Photo:
Added: 7 Apr 2011

Photo: Kristian Yeomans/NME

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: What does Snoop use to wash his car? 
A: His ho's.

Photo:
Added: 7 Mar 2011

Photo: Press

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: What is Snoop Dogg’s favorite tool? 
A: Da chisel.

Photo:
Added: 14 Jul 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s marriage was bound to fail. They had career differences. He didn’t have one.

Photo:
Added: 15 Jun 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

How many indie hipsters does it take to change a lighbulb? It's an obscure number, you probably haven't heard it. (via @delkirbio).

Photo:
Added: 28 Apr 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

What do vegetarians order at a soul food restaurant? The Ike and Tina Tuna. (via @simplynorris).

Photo:
Added: 3 Oct 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: What do hip-hop muscians put on their cuts and grazes ? A: Ghetto plasters (via @BMWavesblog).

Photo:
Added: 31 Aug 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Did you hear William Shatner once married Stevie Nicks? She changed her name to Stevie Shatner-Nicks (via @lankeymarlon).

Photo:
Added: 21 Apr 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and James Brown? A: Ferguson is playing Giggs this year (via @jonmcclure)

Photo:
Added: 16 Aug 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

What do you get when you mix stadium rock with indie rock? Freddie Mercury Rev. (via @simplynorris).

Photo:
Added: 26 Apr 2011

Photo: PA Photo

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: How many Pet Shop Boys does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two. One to do it and one to look bored (via @renodakota).

Photo:
Added: 27 Jun 2010

Photo: Andy Willsher/NME

50 moderately amusing music jokes

What do you get when you mix power pop with hip hop? Fountains of Lil' Wayne. (via @simplynorris)

Photo:
Added: 23 Mar 2011

Photo:

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: What do you call an overweight computer? A: A Dell.

Photo:
Added: 30 Sep 2011

Photo: PA Photos

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Michael Jackson asked his wife’s doctor how soon after the birth he could have sex. The doctor told him he should wait until the child was at least 12.

Photo:
Added: 23 Jun 2010

Photo: PA Photos

50 moderately amusing music jokes

The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson. If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest.

Photo:
Added: 23 Jun 2010

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz II Men? A: He thought it was a delivery service.

Photo:
Added: 9 Aug 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: How does Bob Marley like his donuts? A: Wi’ jam in.

Photo:
Added: 21 Jun 2011

Photo:

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: How can you tell a drummer's at the door?A: 
He doesn't know when to come in.



Photo:
Added: 21 Jan 2009

Photo: Victor Frankowski/NME

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: What does a drummer use for contraception? A: His personality.

Photo:
Added: 3 Oct 2011

Photo: Roger Sargent/NME

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians? A: A drummer.

Photo:
Added: 2 Sep 2010

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: How can you tell when the drum riser is level? A: 
Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

Photo:
Added: 26 Apr 2011

Photo: Richard Johnson/NME

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Why hasn't Stevie Wonder written a hit in years? He dropped his pencil.

Photo:
Added: 28 Jun 2010

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: How does Beyonce deal with constipation? A: She 'Work It Out'.

Photo:
Added: 29 Aug 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Arnie is invited to a famous composers' fancy dress party. When asked who he is going as, he replies: "I'll be Bach." (via @yeahitsjames).

Photo:
Added: 19 Jan 2011

Photo: PA

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Q: Why couldn't Beethoven find his teacher? A: 'Cause he was Haydn.

Photo:
Added: 3 Oct 2011

Photo: PA Photos

50 moderately amusing music jokes

Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for Christmas. Said it was the best book he’d ever read.

Photo:
Added: 28 Jun 2010

Comments

Please login to add your comment.