50 hilariously awful attempts at sexy album covers
Lady Gaga looks like she’s awkwardly perching on a circuit board in a new promo shot for her upcoming album ‘ARTPOP’. It made us think: what are other hilarious attempts at sexy album covers?
Added: 2 Aug 2013
Luke Solo – ‘I Got Shit On My Mind’
Album name: poor. Album sleeve: worse. Toilets take any amount of sexy out of a situation.
Dwarves – ‘Come Clean’
Picture Disc. Interesting. But not even nearly sexy.
Primitiva – ‘Martin Denny’
Martin Denny's first six albums featured the model Sandy Warner on the covers. Never has water looked so, erm, sexy.
Grace Jones – ‘Island Life’
We're not entirely sure what Grace Jones is aiming for with this, but it’s actually kinda amazing.
Heavenly – ‘Carpe Diem’
There really are no words for this. Cliched as hell.
Madonna – ‘Hard Candy’
Oh Madonna. This is terrible. And that font…
Steel Panther – ‘Balls Out’
You don’t even need to look at this sleeve to have a pretty good idea..
Red Hot Chili Peppers – ‘Mothers Milk’
Disappointing, RHCP. You’ve made some great album covers over the course of your career. Oh, wait…
Scorpions – ‘Lovedrive’
Bubblegum never has been and never will be sexy.
Katy Perry – ‘Teenage Dream’
Katy’s head is in the clouds with this one. Who knows what she was thinking.
Roger Waters – ‘The Pros & Cons Of Hitchhiking’
Roger’s album sleeves include a wall, a light prism, and... a naked hitchhiker. A low point.
Great White – ‘Hooked’
This situation could go disastrously wrong. The album art already did,
Shakira – ‘Oral Fixation’
Just give him the apple, Shakira! Put him out of his misery!
Ohio Players – ‘Honey’
The real question here is why is the honey glowing?
Rollins Band – ‘Nice’
Not ‘Nice’. Not at all.
‘Music To Massage Your Mate By’ (Compilation)
Massage your “mate”. Right…
Jim Post – ‘I Love My Life’
I’m sure you do love your life, Jim, with a ‘tache like that. Just leave it off an album cover..
Prince – ‘Lovesexy’
Interesting placing of the stamen here.
Tino Fernandez – ‘Por Primera Vez’
The shorts, Tino! What were you thinking?
Cher – ‘Take Me Home’
For all who follow Cher on Twitter, sleeves like this aren’t a surprise.
Ted Nugent – ‘Love Grenade’
Whatever this is, it doesn’t belong anywhere near an album cover, and is one million percent not sexy.
Trina – ‘Da Baddest Bitch’
The guy’s clearly in trouble, Trina. No time for such a pose.
Whitesnake – ‘Lovehunter’
Snake. Naked woman. Not sexy. End.
Hot R.S. – ‘Forbidden Fruit’
The fruit’s forbidden, and the album cover should be too.
Diebold & Co – ‘Set Me Free’
The pearls! The pearls!
Lil Kim – ‘La Bella Mafia’
A shady nighttime dealing, and Lil’ Kim wearing a necklace with her own name on it. Sure…
Ohio Players – ‘Graduation’
Congratulations on the graduation. The album cover? C-.
Kevin Rowland – ‘My Beauty’
There are hundreds of words to describe this sleeve. Sexy ain't one of them..
Boned – ‘Up At The Crack’
Band name, album name and album cover: all terrible. Sorry.
Herb Alpert’s Tijuana Brass – ‘Whipped Cream & Other Delights’
Being drenched in whipped cream does look fun, but a dress made of the stuff? Not sexy at all.
Sweet P – ‘I Toast Myself’
This cover was also featured in our 50 Atrocious Hip-Hop Album Sleeves gallery, and it’s back, as it’s still terrible, and not sexy.
Limp Bizkit – ‘Gold Cobra’
There’s a guy picking his nose in the background. Just one of a list of reasons why this is so far from sexy.
Herbie Mann – ‘Push Push’
Flute over the shoulder. Sexy.
Slunt – ‘Get A Load Of This’
Hurry up and eat it, it’s melting!
Lords Of Acid – ‘The Crablouse’
Where’s the hand coming from? Terrifying.
Ice T – ‘Gangsta Rap’
Knee in the balls… Enough said.
The 2 Live Crew – ‘As Nasty As They Wanna Be’
The album covers are, apparently, also as nasty as they wanna be.
Spank Rock – ‘Bangers And Cash’
Fist bump. Success. Well done guys. One of the worst album covers in history.
Sebastian Tellier – ‘Sexuality’
Small horse? Giant woman? One thing’s for sure: not sexy.
Hurricane – ‘Slave To The Thrill’
Woman and machine together as one in a pretty horrible piece of artwork.
Sex Slaves – ‘Bite My Tongue’
Ouch in so many ways.
Jane’s Addiction – ‘Nothing’s Shocking’
Nothing’s Shocking? Really? Really?
Lil’ Kim – ‘Notorious Kim’
Lil’ Kim’s back again. Notorious for having quite awful album covers.
Cerrone – ‘Cerrone’s Paradise’
Fridges: not the most traditionally sexy items to drape yourself over. But…actually, no, it’s not here, either.
CJ and Co. – ‘Devil’s Gun’
Looks a bit more like ‘Scantily Clad Astronaut’s Gun’
Pooh Man – ‘Funky As I Wanna Be’
How 'Pooh Man' thinks it’s sexy is a mystery. Take off the sunglasses.
Boxer – ‘Below The Belt’
Ouch. That’s all.
Millie Jackson – ‘Back To The Shit’
Maybe this isn’t even meant to be sexy, but judging by the pose, it probably is. It doesn’t work.
Guru Guru – ‘Hinten’
One bum is more than enough.
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