Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

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Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

Jarvis Cocker is 51 today (19 September). To celebrate this momentous event, we're sharing 50 of the pearls that've fallen from his lips, tackling life, love and ankle socks.

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Added: 16 Apr 2013

Photo: Pa Photos

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On being the life and soul: "To tell you the truth I honestly don't like myself. I bore the crap out of myself, I really do."

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Added: 8 Nov 2010

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Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On being asked to stand in for The Stone Roses at Glastonbury, 1995: "You'll find us in Yellow Pages actually, under bands for hire. We're the supersubs of modern music."

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Added: 8 May 2013

Photo: Joey Maloney/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On disappointing magicians: "David Copperfield was at the Versace party. I saw him waiting for the lift and I wanted to go over and say, 'What are you waiting for the list for? You can just bloody well fly up the stairs!' But I didn't."

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Added: 16 Apr 2012

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Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On essential rave attire: "I had me hair in bunches. Somebody'd bought me these bobbles which were see-through teddy bears' heads with beads inside. I had a cagoule on as well. So I looked like some demented Girl Guide instructress."

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Added: 2 Mar 2011

Photo: PA

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On utter earnestness in sartorial matters: "I'd like to go on record as saying I've never worn anything as a joke."

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Added: 28 Jul 2011

Photo: Danny North/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On what's definitely going to be on his tombstone: "I don't really want it engraved on me tombstone that I was the person who waggled his arse at Michael Jackson."

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Added: 14 Sep 2011

Photo: Pa Photos

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On trouser signposts: "Unfortunately men get erections, you see. And people have so little direction in their lives, if your cock points in a certain direction, then you follow it… you can't argue with a hard-on."

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Added: 1 Jun 2011

Photo: PA

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On the paparazzi: "They've all got the same excuse: 'Oh I've got a wife and family to support'. I say, 'Well, then support them by being something other than a shitsucker.'"

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Added: 19 Aug 2011

Photo: Pa Photos

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On his divine credentials: "I am not Jesus though I have the same initials" ('Dishes')

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Added: 1 Jun 2011

Photo: Dean Chalkley/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On being a pillar of the community: "I've never liked being responsible. I've always striven to be as irresponsible as I possible can."

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Added: 16 Nov 2010

Photo: Guy Eppel/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On that incident that's totally going to be engraved on his tombstone: "I'm not even religious. But when someone appears onstage and wants to be Jesus, I think it's a bit off. But I'd love to kiss a Rabbi…"

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Added: 15 Nov 2010

Photo: Andy Willsher/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On being spaffed out of your gourd at 80s raves: "I really thought it would have quite a wide social effect. I thought, even though people were only being nice to each other 'cos they were off their heads, once they'd realised things were better if you socialised on that sort of level, it would have some change on society."

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Added: 1 Sep 2011

Photo: PA

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On artistic realism: "For me to write about 'Yes I saw her in the chip shop/And I said get yer top off' or something like that would be pathetic because I haven't been in a chippy for ages."

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Added: 11 Jul 2011

Photo: Andy Willsher/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On being young, British, bored and skint: "You will never understand how it feels to live your life with no meaning or control" ('Common People')

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Added: 7 Jan 2011

Photo: Andy Fallon/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On acting the part: "You're constantly going, 'Would a pop star do this? Would a pop star go in this shop? Would a pop star still go in Oxfam and have a root through shit?'"

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Added: 15 Nov 2010

Photo: Andy Willsher/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On saying no no no to rehab: "I haven't been in rehab, no. It's too expensive and I'm too mean."

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Added: 1 Mar 2012

Photo: Richard Johnson/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On the 'knobhead' index: "I'll carry on until somebody tells me I'm a knobhead and then I'll decide whether I'm a knobhead or whether I'm still alright."

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Added: 15 Nov 2010

Photo: Dean Chalkley/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On going to great lengths to avoid your own songs: "I'd rather suck a dog's knob than listen to one of my own records."

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Added: 25 Feb 2013

Photo: Pa Photos

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On fat children: "Oh, the parents are the problem/Giving birth to maggots without the sense to become flies/So pander to your pampered little princess/Of such enormous size" ('Fat Children')

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Added: 11 Nov 2010

Photo: Andy Willsher/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On living on the edge, man: "Sometimes there's a thrill to be had from doing something which isn't good for you and might, in the end, destroy you."

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Added: 15 Nov 2010

Photo: Andy Willsher/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On class war: "I couldn't live with the middle classes. It's a stultifying, bloodless, slow-death experience."

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Added: 30 Aug 2011

Photo: James Looker/ NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On fame, fame, fatal fame: "You realise it doesn't take you into a magical land where everybody's your servant."

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Added: 15 Nov 2010

Photo: James Looker/ NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On socks: "You've either got to have no socks or long socks that reach your knee. This is going to sound very pretentious but I bought them from a shop in Rome called Schostal. It's very good. I have to buy about 20 pairs at once. They're fine cotton in all different colours."

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Added: 15 Nov 2010

Photo: James Looker/ NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On various shades of pop music: "I like pop music but then I wish that it would try harder with what it talks about. It doesn't have to be dark but life is dark, isn't it? Let's face it."

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Added: 15 Nov 2010

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Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On joining a Greenpeace mission to the Arctic: "Not that I'm a massive expert, but when I heard that they wanted to dig it up, I thought, 'Hold on a minute – that's not good.'"

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Added: 15 Nov 2010

Photo: Richard Johnson/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On the prescience of romance: "I wrote this song two hours before we met/I didn't know your name or what you looked like yet" ('Something Changed')

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Added: 28 Jun 2010

Photo: Andy Willsher/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On David Cameron saying he'd seen his bum: "I'd just like to point out that if anybody cares to look at the video evidence, at no point was my bare backside revealed. So therefore the fact he says he's seen it totally negates the credence of what he said in the previous part of the answer about derivatives and futures."

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Added: 6 Sep 2011

Photo: PA

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On Scott Walker abuse: "I remember seeing some people sniffing cocaine off the cover of 'Scott 4' and thinking, 'That's my favourite record and that just doesn't seem right.'"

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Added: 6 Feb 2012

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Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On saucy fanmail: "I got a pair of red, synthetic satin women's pants through the post the other day with a phone number on. That was quite strange. I haven't tried the phone number. In times of stress I may."

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Added: 27 Aug 2011

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Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On penetrating your audience: "If you perform on a stage or you sing a song, it's kind of like penetrating somebody. It's like having sex with somebody – but, obviously, from a great distance."

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Added: 6 Feb 2012

Photo: Danny North/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On the sweaty 1970s: "I like the 70s because it was a bit tacky; people would be wearing vinyl jackets and getting a bit sweaty. I don't know if it's a new scene or not, but at least the 70s were sexy. In the 80s people just watched Antiques Roadshow."

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Added: 6 Sep 2011

Photo: Richard Johnson/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On skinny sex: "I once went out with a very thin woman. It just didn't work. Just this jarring of bones like two skeletons wrestling in the dark. I prefer a nice full-figured partner to tuck into."

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Added: 24 Feb 2011

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Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On his devastating looks: "If I do become a sex symbol, I'll be overcoming my natural disabilities – I'm lanky, with bad eyesight. In reality I look more like an ugly girl."

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Added: 6 Feb 2012

Photo: Dean Chalkley/ NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On the usefulness of making a racket: "Noise is an easy thing to hide behind. If you make a lot of noise and shout behind that, nobody can tell what you're singing."

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Added: 15 Nov 2010

Photo: Danny North/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On separating life and art: "I don't go seeking out strange sexual experiences every day of the week."

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Added: 14 Sep 2011

Photo: Andy Willsher/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On Johnny Borrell's spreadsheets: "Reading an interview with Razorlight is just like reading The Economist."

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Added: 20 Jan 2011

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Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On how to drink sensibly: "Never mix cider and red wine. That's one of my life lessons."

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Added: 6 Feb 2012

Photo: Andy Willsher/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On the perils of taking pop stars at face value: "People who make good music aren't necessarily nice people."

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Added: 30 Aug 2011

Photo: Guy Eppel/ NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On actual misfits: "Misfits should coagulate, or congregate, and take over the world, with us at the helm."

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Added: 15 Nov 2010

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Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On shadowy sex: "Sex is always a bit shadowy, isn't it? When it's done properly, anyway."

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Added: 6 Feb 2012

Photo: Danny North/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On optimum drug-taking periods: "During your 20s you've done quite a lot, so in order to make them interesting again you might as well have drugs 'cos your brain's formed, you can squish it about a bit and you've got more chance of not going mad."

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Added: 14 Sep 2011

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Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On life ending in pain and degradation: "You can have the same circumstances and it's a question of the colour of your mind. My mind takes the morbid tack. That's not so bad 'cos ultimately you accept that life ends in pain and degradation."

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Added: 23 Jan 2012

Photo: Andy Willsher/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On how awful you are: "If they pulled this whole place down it would still look much better than you" ('Bar Italia')

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Added: 30 Aug 2011

Photo: Andrew Whitton/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On pithy Wet Wet Wet fans: "I got a letter addressed to me just the other day from this irate Wet Wet Wet fan, the first line of which was 'Dear Bastard'. Which I thought was a great opener."

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Added: 30 Aug 2011

Photo: Andrew Whitton/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On turning 30: "I sat in Steve's house on me own and drank some whisky and smoked some fags and watched Tango And Cash on't telly which was crap, but I really enjoyed meself."

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Added: 30 Aug 2011

Photo: Andrew Whitton/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On using your imagination because that's about all we have left: "There aren't really any new things to discover in life. The same things have obsessed people throughout the centuries. We're not going to invent a new colour now. So this is all there is. Everything else is your imagination. So use it well."

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Added: 28 Aug 2011

Photo: Danny North/NME

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On the upside of boredom: "Boredom can be a big inspiration, because you have to invent something to entertain yourself, otherwise you'll go crackers."

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Added: 26 Jun 2011

Photo: PA

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On celebrating 'Common People' going to No.2 by falling over onstage: "I was thinking, 'Fuck me, this is meant to be your ultimate triumph, and you're flat on your back in a puddle, your eye killing you, face falling off, on a wet Sunday afternoon in Birmingham!' Not quite what I'd been dreaming of for 20 years."

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Added: 27 Aug 2011

Photo: Press

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On peeping tommery: "Curiosity is what made sex sexy in the first place. And everyone's at it now. Life is becoming a spectator sport."

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Added: 15 Nov 2010

Photo: PA

Jarvis At 51 - The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

On not really being the fount of all knowledge: "Oh, I don't know the answer to anything, I'm just a silly pop star."

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Added: 27 Aug 2011

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