Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

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Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

The English football team don't care much for the phrase "you only sing when you're winning." Despite flopping worse than a jellyfish on a trampoline at every international tournament since 1966, England always releases a World Cup song, no matter how poor its chances. You might know 1970's 'Back Home' and will definitely know 'Three Lions' - but what about the others?

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Added: 9 May 2014

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Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

'This Time (We'll Get It Right)' - England World Cup Squad, 1982

"Hear the roar of the red, white and blue," sang Kevin Keegan and co on this attempted terrace anthem, which sounds like some kind of reggae cover of the Dad's Army theme. Not only was the song as dodgy as Glenn Hoddle's haircut, it didn't deliver on its promise: England crashed out at the second group stage.

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Added: 9 May 2014

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Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

'We've Got The Whole World At Our Feet' - England World Cup Squad, 1986

Featuring Bryan Robson's boys barking over a cheesy Casio keyboard factory preset, 'We've Got The Whole World At Our Feet' had music fans with their heads in their hands. It reached a record-low 66 in the charts before England fell to Maradona's Argentina in the quarters.

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Added: 9 May 2014

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Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

'World In Motion' - New Order and England, 1990

Now this was more like it - a sleek, upbeat pop thumper that didn't sound like it was written by some geriatric grandad in a dusty library, for a change. "Express yourself," sang New Order, capturing the artisan side to football, away from its thuggy image. Shout out to John Barnes for that memorable rap too.

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Added: 9 May 2014

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Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

'(How Does It Feel To Be) On Top Of The World' - Echo & The Bunnymen, Space, Ocean Colour Scene and the Spice Girls, 1998

Two years after 'Three Lions', the official song of Euro 96, the FA assembled a super group for the team's France 98 anthem. The results were anything but super, sounding like a Katrina and the Waves b-side. Fans rightly booed it when it was played at Wembley.

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Added: 9 May 2014

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Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

'Vindaloo' - Fat Les, 1998

Instead of the Spice Girls and co's syrupy official theme, England fans in '98 took to this unofficial singalong by Blur's Alex James and comedian Keith Allen - a rousing ode to curry, putting the kettle on and all things British with shouty threats of "we're gonna score one more than you!" All together now: "NA NA NAAA, NA NA NAAA..."

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Added: 9 May 2014

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Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

'On The Ball' - Ant and Dec, 2002

Who can forget Geordie cheeky chappies Ant and Dec's bash at a World Cup anthem, 2002's jaunty 'We're On The Ball'? No seriously, who managed to forget it? And can you teach us how to erase it from our memories? What was your method? Lobotomy? Some kind of Sunshine of the Spotless Mind brain zapper? Please advise.

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Added: 9 May 2014

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Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

'World at Your Feet' - Embrace, 2006

Embrace's 'World At Your Feet' was so wet, if it was a pitch it'd be deemed waterlogged and all games for the next fortnight would be called off. Horrendous. It somehow reached number three in the charts, before Sven Goran Eriksson's troops lost 3-1 on penalties to Portugal, after Wayne Rooney was sent off for stamping.

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Added: 9 May 2014

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Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

'If I Can Dream' - Terry Venables, 2010

In 2010, the FA decided not to commission an official anthem. That didn't stop former England manager Terry Venables from having a pop at recording one, recorded a loungey cruise ship style big bang song sponsored by newspaper The Sun. No one paid much attention, apart from Michael Buble, for whom it was a worrying glimpse into his future.

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Added: 9 May 2014

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Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

'Shout For England' - Dizzee Rascal and James Corden, 2010

Who'd have thought a collaboration between fading grime star Dizzee and insufferable TV "bloke" James Corden sponsored by a broadband provider would turn out so bad? Everyone, that's who. Clumsily updating Tears for Fears 'Shout', this unofficial 2010 theme was almost as bad as England's showing in South Africa. Almost.

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Added: 9 May 2014

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Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

'World Cup Willie' - Lonnie Donegan Jr, 2010

'World Cup Willie' by Lonnie Donegan was a hit around England's triumphant 1966 World Cup campaign. This sequel, recorded by his son Lonnie Donegan Jr, was a miss of Emile Heskey right-into-row-Z proportions.

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Added: 9 May 2014

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Pitch Perfect? England World Cup Themes From 1970 To Now - Reviewed

'Greatest Day' - Gary Barlow, Gary Lineker, Mel C, Pixie Lott, Eliza Doolittle, Katy B etc

Finding time in his busy schedule to rework an already-shit Take That song, Gary Barlow's drippy 2014 World Cup theme actually makes you pine for the sound of honking vuvuzelas. Here's hoping England fare better on the pitch this summer than they have here...

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Added: 9 May 2014

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