Following the astonishingly good news that Westlife are to split up, we’re looking at the 20 worst pop acts of all time, starting with Brian, Thingy, Cheesy Face, Curtains and The Other One aka Westlife at 20.
19: Vanilla Ice.
Why? We all love a trier but it was all downhill after the classic ‘Ice Ice Baby’. Post-Number One career highlights include a role in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze and a cover of ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’.
Why? The first time round they were a, ahem, poor man’s Steps. The second time they represented the UK in the Eurovision Song Contest. After their 2007 appearance in the contest tourist figures were down 33%. Coincidence?
17: Daphne and Celeste.
Why? Extremely subtle deconstruction of teeny bopper pop or just really, really annoying? Listen again to ‘U.G.L.Y’ and you be the judge. Vote for the worst pop acts ever.
16: Rebecca Black.
Why? When ‘tween pop’ collided with a ‘YouTube sensation’ you knew that it was going to be bad. But, good lord, ‘Friday’ was so bad it made Justin Bieber’s oeuvre look like the work of Lennon.
15: David Sneddon.
Why? With as much star quality as a vole, Sneddon has thankfully taken a backseat to recording and now writes songs for Hurts.
Why? Some sort of proto-Black Eyed Peas, this Danish quartet knew which buttons to press from ‘Uncle John From Jamacia’ to ‘We’re Going To Ibiza’. And don’t get us started on ‘Rocket To Uranus’…
13: One True Voice.
Why? A mess of jarring personalities and rather rubbish voices. The makers of Popstars : The Rivals said: “Oh, let’s just put them in the same vaguely beige clothes, give them a Bee Gees cover to sing and the public will lap it up!” The public said: “Oh just bog off”.
Why? They managed to make crop tops look evil. Vote for the worst pop acts ever.
11: Crazy Town.
Why? As if the Red Hot Chili Peppers weren’t bad enough, this lot came along and basically copied what they did but in a much, much worse way.
10: Another Level.
Why? They threatened to lick us up and down. A nation changed its locks, pulled their curtains down and changed their names by deed poll.
Why? So blandly anonymous that they were named after a size of paper. Always looked like they were a tank top away from a presenting gig on Cbeebies. Vote for the worst pop acts ever.
8: Scouting For Girls.
Why? The hideous combination of anonymous, ‘wacky’, and being a staple of Heart FM. Chiefly terrible pop stars because they look like they just can’t be arsed.
7: Fast Food Rockers.
Why? Their three singles (‘The Fast Food Song’, ‘Say Cheese (Smile Please)’ and ‘I Love Christmas’) will be playing on a loop when the four horsemen of the apocalypse approach at the End Of Days.
6: Shayne Ward.
Why? A poor man’s…everybody. Even Simon Cowell cruelly tossed him away like an old tissue when his last album failed to excite anyone. Currently he’s sewing up several vodoo dolls of Olly Murs. Vote for the worst pop acts ever.
5: The Cheeky Girls.
Why? Their two minutes of fame just extended and extended. ‘Cheeky Song’ was followed by ‘Cheeky Holiday’ then ‘Cheeky Christmas’ and ‘Cheeky Flamenco’. We wait with baited breath for ‘Cheeky Last Ditch Attempt At Fame Through Celebrity Come Dine With Me Appearance’ and ‘Cheeky Nervous Breakdown’.
Why? Can’t dance, can’t sing but were funny for about five minutes for sort of knowing that they were crap. Two years later they’re still crap and we’ve forgotten why it was ever funny to begin with.
3: Peter Andre.
Why? History will remember Andre for ‘Mysterious Girl’, a disembodied six pack and being the David to Katie Price’s Goliath. That, my friends, is a crap pop star.
2: Black Eyed Peas.
Why? Mainly for ‘My Humps’ but obviously for stuff like ‘The Time (Dirty Bit)’ and ‘Don’t Phunk With My Heart’ too. Don’t agree? Vote for the worst pop acts in history
1: Justin Bieber.
Why? The key weapon in Usher’s plan to take over the planet and turn everyone into zombies with the brain of a 12 year old girl and the same, limp haircut. Stop him before it’s too late!