Got a birthday or BBQ coming up? Don’t just stick your iPod on and hope for the best: book your favourite band to swing by yours for a private performance! Here’s how much spare change you’ll need to afford them, according to a report put together by Business Insider. Like Prince? He’ll set you back up to £1.15M.
“I got no money but I want you so,” once sang Kings of Leon. Amen, Caleb, amen. But it looks like we won’t be having you any time soon unless our accumulator on Chile at the World Cup comes through – hiring Kings Of Leon during your stag or hen-do will set you back a monstrous £250,000.
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Grohl fanatics from Richmond, Virginia recently managed to persuade Foo Fighters to play a crowd-funded gig. And, considering Business Insider say the Foos cost about £175,000 a show, the Richmond collective have gone and nabbed themselves a bonafide bargain – bringing in Dave and co for just £40,000.
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The Bruce Willis Blues Band. Yes, you read that right. John McClane did actually dabble in a recording career before he became an international star with the release of Die Hard. We’ve heard that if you relentlessly heckle him shouting “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker”, he’ll dart you a bashful smile. Or murder you. All for the tidy cost of £175,000.
Having just released ‘Ultraviolence’, there would really be no better time to hire Lana Del Rey to play your BBQ. Problem is, she’s kinda in demand right now, so she does currently carry a £175,000 price tag. But it’s okay. Don’t be sad. Docking stations balanced on a stool in your garden emitting tinny audio of ‘Video Games’ is almost as good.
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Do you like fancy dress? Okay. Do you like uniformed fancy dress involving red caps? Right. Do you like face and body paint too? You do!? Then have we got the band for you! For just £175,000, nu-metal cavemen Limp Bizkit can play your sister’s 12th birthday party. Happy birthday, sweet little Mary-Anne.
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Arctic Monkeys – Finsbury Park – 23/05/2014
Arctic Monkeys come hurtling in with a mammoth £115,000 charge. But we won’t be too hard on the Sheffield boys. Firstly, they are brilliant. And Secondly, they are still cheaper than the £1,000,000 price tag Eurovision failure Engelbert Humperdinck carries.
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“Private schools, daycare, shit, medical bills, I’ll pay that,” the mighty Outkast once rapped. Big Boi, you sure are a generous guy! Except, oh wait a sec, you stopped just short of “free gig round your house” on that little list, so any Outkast mega fans out there, you’ll be doling out £115,000 for the privilege of their company. Soz.
Soil & Puddle Of Mud Perform In Sheffield
Seeing as how Puddle of Mudd singer Wes Scantlin was arrested last year for destroying his neighbour’s patio with a chainsaw in a fit of domestic fury, whether or not you want him and his nu-metal chums at your house is seriously up for debate. For £75,000 though, they’re all yours.
2012 Super Bowl Village – Day 7
“Lead me out on the moonlit floor,” sang Sixpence None The Richer on that one song (‘Kiss Me’) all those many moons ago. Does bog-standard carpet suit you instead, guys? Can we lead you out onto that instead? If so, and providing we can find a spare £15,000 knocking about, we’d love to host your for the evening here at NME HQ.
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno – Season 9
“Got a bank account bigger than the law should allow,” famously sang Sisquo. Well it’s alright for some, isn’t Sisqo? Damn you and your illegal bank account. Wish we had one of those. For us plebs over here, we’d have to pay a bumper £10,000 to hear you play sex-pest S&B anthem ‘Thong Song’. One day. One day…
Reading Festival – Day 1
As a musician and political activist, we feel like we should really be respecting Serj Tankian. Serj was awarded an Armenian Prime Minister’s Medal for his efforts to draw attention to the Armenian Genocide. For £10,000, you could have him perform and speak for you and your friends. We’re not going to offer any mildly silly remarks here. Just respect for Serj. What a guy.