Keith Richards. Old men don’t just look like middle aged lesbians, they look like that crazy ‘aunt’ (no blood relation) who lives on her own with an army of mangy looking cats and keeps company with an imaginary mynah bird called ‘Stephanie’.
Robert Smith. What happens to old goths? Do they grow up and ditch the black clothes, make up or do they just carry on as before in an increasingly ridiculous fashion? See Robert Smith below and judge for yourself…
John Lydon. From ‘Anarchy In The UK’ to the Country Life butter advert. Well, he has to pay for the hair mousse and a new pair of bondage trousers somehow, doesn’t he?
Brian Eno. One time member of Roxy Music and legendary producer, now makes most of his cash from being the number one Phil Selway lookalike in the country.
Brian May. Bri’s managed to seamlessly make the transition from “eccentric axeman” to “elder statesman of rock” by maintaining his huge curly barnet which he conditions daily with the spittle of baby eagles every other day. Fact.
Lou Reed. Then: one of the most brilliant and influential musicians of his generation. Now: the scary man who runs the darkly lit shoe shop at the end of the street who looks like he eats babies.
Ozzy Osbourne. Proof, if needed, that Richard Ashcroft was right, the drugs don’t work they just make it worse. So much worse…
Mark E Smith. Despite subsisting on a diet of air and fags for most of his life, Mark E Smith has managed to look strangely ageless in the intervening years. Perhaps due to the fact he wasn’t a “looker” to begin with.
Tom Jones. Let’s just say that nowadays, the bras don’t land on stage as much as the incontinence pants.
Axl Rose. The one time madcap leader of Guns And Roses would grow up to have a melting wax work face and terrible braids.
Slash. Followed the “Brian May route” by maintaining his glowing, curly mane of hair. In fact the only thing that’s changed has been his choice of hats.
Rod Stewart. Ellen Degeneres is that you?!
Ronnie Wood. He went from ‘fresh faced and energized’ to ‘gurning after accidentally stuffing a coat hanger in his upper lip’.
Steven Tyler. We’re not saying that Mr Aerosmith has had too much plastic surgery, but these days he doesn’t just look like a male Janice Dickinson, he looks like her twin sister.
Peter Hook. Wonder where the Hacienda millions went? Hooky’s secret, late night addiction (to kebabs).