January 15, 2000

Twig : Day in the life of a production operative, A

Put out billions of 12" singles every week that ALL sound exactly like this: [I]"dink-bosh-TISH-dink-dum-BONK-tish-dink-bosh-TISH-dink-dum-BONK-tish"[/I] - for hours and hours and[I] FUCKING HOURS...

It is a fact commonly acknowledged and scientifically proven that 90 per cent of all rock records released in any given week are complete and utter cack. With dance records, however, scientists have discovered that this 'cack-factor' goes up to an absolutely staggering 99.98746467238984675 per cent. Wow! This is because of the drug 'E', which has left in its evil smiley-faced wake literally millions of posh kids with Parkinson's Disease and brain damage whose rich parents have bought them all drum machines and sequencers and samplers and studios in which they sit and frown and twitch and put out billions of 12" singles every week that ALL sound exactly like this: "dink-bosh-TISH-dink-dum-BONK-tish-dink-bosh-TISH-dink-dum-BONK-tish" - for hours and hours and FUCKING HOURS!!!!!

'A Day In The Life...' doesn't. It goes: "BONK-tish-tish-BONK-BONK- thud-tish-BONK-BONK-tish-tish-BONK-BONK -thud-tish-BONK-BONK-tish-dink-TISH-tish- BONK-BONK!" - for hours and hours and FUCKING HOURS!!!!! And is absolutely brilliant.

Steven Wells