October 23, 2001

Slipknot : Left Behind

like Nirvana if they'd carried on performing after Kurt blew his brains out.

Quick, someone invent a sickeningly ultra-violent gore-fest of a shoot-'em-up-the-ass video game for this to be the soundtrack to. It slips and slides in a veritable sea of eviscerated intestines. It stammers, spasms and shits itself and then it splatters the spinal columns of hard-bodied jock-zombies all over the fucking walls of that gym in Britney's 'Baby One More Time' vid. With gusto. And pump-action shotguns.

We send the Yanks our endless legions of sensitive songsmiths with their oh so clever wordplay. They feed us back a bunch of mono-dimensional and ugly-as-shit grunting Neanderthal fuck-mutts in B-movie horror masks and prison dungarees who live by the slogan "HUMANS=SCUM". They win!

Slipknot
are as angry as a goose with a pepper up its ass and as alienated as an alien working in a sneaker factory in some Third World shithole for $1 a month plus all the rat pie and mouldy rice it can scoff in the 15-second lunch break. YUMMO! And, if that wasn't enough, they're also as dumb as a rat's cock.
Come on, get real. The likes of The Strokes are OK, but let's face facts - Slipknot
kill, eat and shit out their cute retro-remains before breakfast. They are the perfect American rock band. They're like Nirvana if they'd carried on performing after Kurt blew his brains out. Uh, hang on, did they really just sing "Your thalidomide robot face"? That's not very nice, is it?

Steven Wells