It wouldn't be so bad if his voice didn't bring to mind [B]Eddie Vedder[/B] being fisted in jail..

This really is as bad as it gets. Massachusetts metallers Staind were 'discovered' by Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst, were promptly signed up and have now shifted 800,000 copies of 'Dysfunction' in the States. We can't let it happen here.

Predictably, Staind's sales figures say more for Durst's business acumen than his talent-spotting because so weak and worthless is this debut album that it's hard to see how even Bizkit fans will get excited.

Everything about this is just too second-hand and contrived to be true. From the scary clown on the cover (hello, Slipknot), to the self-pitying Korn-U-Like lyrics of frontman Aaron Lewis, Staind's debut is bottom-of-the-barrel sports metal. The music's a half-arsed blend of chugga-chugga riffery and direly tuneless second-hand Stone Temple Pilots melodia which, when blended with Lewis' hideous poetry, makes for a truly sickening journey straight to the land of dogshit.

"Look at me - I'm so pathetic", he wails on 'Me', an hilariously self-absorbed ode to unhappy families. It wouldn't be so bad if his voice didn't bring to mind Eddie Vedder being fisted in jail - a country twang of breathy (in)sincerity and embarrassing ball-clenching angst.

"Such a cancer on the face of everything that's beautiful", is how Lewis describes his situation on the half-inspired 'Just Go'. Couldn't have put it better myself.
2 / 10

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