B*Witched

Beloved reader, there is a chance you will actually hear the album....

B*Witched

666 / 10 BELOVED READER, THERE IS a chance you will actually hear the album. If you do, you will say but one thing and one thing alone. And it will be, "Sweet Christing Jesus - JUST MAKE IT STOP!" Yes, it will.







Maybe it's a corporate male reaction to those girl-empowering Spicies, but undoubtedly, The Man has looked down and decreed that what The Kids need is not s*x, but lurve. That's lurve with blue skies and neutered boys. And fiddles.







How does it sound? Well, 'Rev It Up' samples the Jackson 5, 'Freak Out' is sub-Bananarama. Elsewhere there is rapping and even jigged-up jungle but no amount of base-covering can hide the fact that this is as soulless, raunchless and calculating as it gets. And we haven't mentioned the ballads. The ballads with fiddles.







What the hell, it's just a pop album - and, given that there are undeniably tunes underneath all the above filth, we should not criticise it for being what it is.







...Hang on, bollocks to that. B*Witched have sold their souls to the devil and this is the sound of Beelzebub Riverdancing on your soul forever.

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