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Throat / Ja Rule / Brutalised Youth / Zeratonin : ... reviewed by Swells

Nu-metal shenanigans proving that, yes, Black Sabbath are better than Alfie...

Throat



Soho (Riverman)





Ja Rule



Between Me And You (Def Jam)







Brutalised Youth



Stigmata Fucker(Mojo Bleeding)







Zeratonin



Betray Your Family & Friends... Win Fabulous Cash Prizes (Menendo)





Aren't you just freaking sick to the rotting human-flesh-clogged back of your sharpened steel combat fangs of reading prissy little live reviews by whining little no-neck schmindie humbugs who bang on about how great a band are but then sigh (probably while waving perfumed lace hanky) and sneer dismissively, "but unfortunately it's still heavy metal".





What!? When did that become an insult?! What is this, the New Labourisation of rock music? Quick question who's better: Black Sabbath or Alfie? Of course there's no 'correct' answer as such, but if you answered 'Alfie' then you can fuck right off, you hippy-cock-sucking fuckfilth.





OK, so Throat come from the north of Ireland and are shit and have an appalling grasp of the rules of grammar. Worse even than what mine are. And over-fussy drumming. Ja Rule are a hip-hop combo who've done a Glastonbury-style sneak-entrance into this category with their version of the chart hit with extra added swearing in a growly voice. Brutalised Youth sound like brickies being savagely buggered by Puerto Rican sailors and would have won this week's coveted Best Record Title EVER! award but were just pipped to the post by early Marilyn Manson soundalikes Zeratonin who have a singer who informs us that "Goddamn!/I fucking feel like God!" and are the loudest and most worshipped band in Belfast. Apparently. And who rock. Metally. But whose drumming is once again, I'm afraid, rather fussy. Hey, what's with you Northern Irish metal guys and your fussy drummers, eh?





Steven Wells

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