The Californian succeeds, once again, in exposing the ugliness of mankind. It’ll get under your skin
Do Glastonbury 2002 the NME way : Our guide to the best the fest has to offer
Too much choice this weekend? Allow us to make a few suggestions...
Wake up and check your tent isn't downwind of the toilets. Then eat breakfast from nearest noodle stall, smoke spliff, drink day's first beer.
Go and see Cooper Temple Clause on the Other Stage. Make sure you wear clean underwear, as 'they'll blow you out of your kecks' (so says half the NME readership).
Stay at the other stage to check Idlewild, AKA the British REM.
Go for more some psychedelic pear cider. As you drink it, decide whether you're in the mood for shiny metal Lostprophets-style on the Other Stage, or the mournful splendour of Doves on the Pyramid Stage.
The festival's first truly essential band, Queens Of The Stone Age, take to the Other Stage. With Dave Grohl on drums, a new album 'Song For The Deaf' to preview and one of the all-time anthems 'Feel Good Hit Of The Summer', this is a must.
Go to the Pyramid Stage and watch the Ash hit machine in full effect.
Return to the Other Stage, where the billowing clouds of smoke will alert you to the fact that Spiritualized are beginning their cosmic space blues.
Hop back over to the Pyramid Stage for Coldplay's hotly anticipated set.
Hotfoot it to the Rizla Tent where our friends at Vice magazine are having a party. DJs including FC Kahuna and Erol Alkan, don of London club Trash, will keep the electroclash/bootleg action going until dawn.
Get woken by the strains of Dog, AKA the new Prodigy, on the other stage. Stagger out in search of crepes or anything else that will slake your hangover.
After a desultory once-over with the wet wipes, limp to The Parkinsons on the other stage.
Stick around to watch psychedelic Scousers White Stripes.
After more food and perhaps a tentative beer, wander over to the Pyramid Stage where the reborn Ikara Colt will, no doubt, lend Glasto a touch of Hollywood glamour.
As soon as Gwen and co have done their decent songs (ie 'Hey Baby' and 'Hella Good'), embark on a tour of the healing fields. Don't forget to visit the naked sauna.
Make sure your mind's not too blown to get you back to the Other Stage, where the weekend's third unmissable band are playing. Yes, it's volatile stoners Hundred Reasons!
Dash to The Pyramid Stage to catch the back end of Starsailor... by which we don't mean James Walsh's bottom but the end of their set, of course.
Stay put. It's Black Rebel Motorcycle Club!
Guaranteed good time band The Charlatans start their Pyramid Stage set.
Don't hang around for headliners the Stereophonics - disappear into the night and make your own fun. Check out the dance tent and the blanket stall rave, and end the night watching the sun come up in the Sacred Space.
The Glastonbury Town Band blasts you back into consciousness. Only a sandwich from the hog roast stall can save you now...
Thus fortified, progress unsteadily to the Other Stage where No Name - in the form of [/a] - has landed in Glastonbury.
Still at the Other Stage, it's [a]!
After getting hot and heavy with [/a], let the nitroglycerine cool of [a] take you on a whole 'nother trip.
Mooch to the Pyramid Stage where you'll catch the end of Badly Drawn Boy (if you're lucky) and the most acceptable of the old timers on this year's bill, soul legend Isaac Hayes.
Attempt to eat something. Preferably from one of the food stalls rather than something you found in a hedge.
As [a][/a] does his geriatric thing on the Pyramid Stage, head for the Other Stage to watch Air.
Realise that you've got far too many drugs left. Attempt to take them all in new and interesting combinations.
Some hours later: Locate your tent amid the wailing and gnashing drug casualties and make your way home. It's going to be a long, long week...
A deeply weird and very funny animation from the twisted minds of Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg and Jonah Hill
A hilarious and horrifying true story about the world of competitive tickling, to watch with your mouth agape
Eight tracks of harrowingly stripped- back and intense dance music that’ll have you stomping your feet in no time
An hour-long, largely ambient electronic album by the drummer from Alt-J. It’s decent!