[a]Oizone[/a], then. Bloody-knuckled, charcoal-throated, instrumentally-challenged chancers churning out speed-addled neanderthal one-chord thrashes...

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An Indifferent Beat

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An Indifferent Beat

[a]Oizone[/a], then. Bloody-knuckled, charcoal-throated, instrumentally-challenged chancers churning out speed-addled neanderthal one-chord thrashes (the sound you just heard was Swells getting a hard-on) of songs made famous by ‘proper’ pop stars.

A posthumous ‘greatest hits’ collection, ‘An Indifferent Beat’ is the sound of one-trick ponies telling the same joke 16 times. They do The Bee Gees‘Words’, as made famous by Boyzone, in a comedy poonk-rock stylee. They do the Spice Girls‘Wannabe’, in a comedy poonk-rock stylee. They do, well, [I]NME[/I] could go on, but that would only make this album review as interminably boring and repetitious as the album itself.

[a]Oizone[/a], then, were ‘aving a (not particularly big or clever) larf. But at whose expense, exactly? At the songwriters of these modern-day standards, rolling in lucrative royalties? Or, perhaps, at the baby-oiled Kens and Barbies who kick off lucrative children’s-telly careers off the back of their anodyne versions of this material?

Like one or two of their chart-clogging targets, [a]Oizone[/a] didn’t write their own material, and they [I]certainly[/I] can’t sing. Unlike the boy/girl band massive, however, Oizone never sold any records, and were never, even unintentionally, funny. Chalk one up for Ronan and the rest; the larf’s on [a]Oizone[/a].