Unenlightened, unimproved, unapologetic - it doesn't get more Tap than this.
WHOAH! I could tell you some stories about a-roistering and a-quaffing with the Tap that would turn your short and curlies white, sonny! But I won’t, because the Editor has told me to keep it short and sweet, and not to fill up this review with any unnecessary waffle.
Oh, and to stay on my sodding medication. Pah! A one-way ticket to Squares-ville and I don’t even get the window seat! But hey, that’s his job, right? So here it comes, Mr Editor Man, a no-frills reviews of the last two overlooked albums by yer actual greatest semi-successful soft-rocking axe merchants that this country has ever produced. No messin’.
‘Spinal Tap’ originates in 1984 but still sounds timeless in that sludgy, seriously dated kinda way. Imagine Sabbath minus their intensity of focus, Purple without all those superfluous ‘tunes’. Dave
St Hubbins is the kiddie here, giving it some welly on the rumbling Taj Mahal of cryptic prog-metal that is ‘Stonehenge’ – roll over Mystic Meg! – and spinning pure poetry on ‘Big Bottom’ with the killer lines: “My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo/I’d like to sink her with my pink torpedo”. Who says that metal can’t be romantic?
According to my 30-year-old unemployed stepson Dean, the nimble riff from ‘Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight’ is uncannily similar to a little number called ‘Athlete Cured’ by The Fall – so stick you,
Mr Trendy Music Fan! Tap still mean something with the young generation!
Back with a whimper not a bang in 1992, ‘Break Like The Wind’ is Tap with extra tenderness and extra balls – tender balls, if you will. The sound is sharper, the arrangements broader, but tunes like ‘Bitch School’ and ‘Christmas With The Devil’ are classic Tap with double helpings of Tapology. And ‘The Majesty Of Rock’ sums up everything you need to know about this crazy little thing called rock.
Unenlightened, unimproved, unapologetic – it doesn’t get more Tap than this. 666
Bernie ‘Stratocaster’ Stratfield