There's a snippet of soft porn masquerading as a tune on here which goes by the name of [B]'Etcetera'[/B]....

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THERE’S A SNIPPET OF SOFT PORN masquerading as a tune on here which goes by the name of ‘Etcetera’. Rather splendidly, the chorus goes, “Wanna kiss you all the places you want me to/Promise girl that I’ll do all these things and etcetera etcetera etcetera”. Who says the English language is dead?

Not one Robert Kelly. For the big-selling, big-swingbeating big lover has decided to make a really bloody big record. A double CD effort, ‘R’ is over two hours’ worth of immaculately realised R&B from a superduperstar who has produced, written and arranged the entire shebang. Oh, and the sweet-voiced Robster played all the instruments, too.

Unsurprisingly for such a busy fella, his hobbies are few; indeed, ‘money’ and ‘honeys’ are all Bob needs when it comes to nailing down a clutch of slushy love anthems. On the odd occasion that he isn’t regaling us with his weepy puppy-dog poetry, Mister Kelly is humping with Foxy Brown (‘Dollar Bill’), humming with Celine Dion (‘I’m Your Angel’) or hamming it up in a deranged operatic stylee (‘The Opera’).

R Kelly, then. Sometimes charming. Sometimes a prize chump. Has made a really bloody big record. Quite fancies himself. Etcetera etcetera etcetera.